In The Attic Of My Mind

Photo by Sanaz from her recent trip to Tehran, Iranian.com, January 14, 2008. I missed Tajrish so much today.

I have been a little under the weather. When I'm sick and bored, too weak to accomplish anything, I have no choice but to think and reflect. I have been thinking, which could be a dangerous thing for me! I have been remembering moments, snippets of conversations, fleeting feelings, and lasting memories. It's really rather funny. We won't talk about just how old I am, but let's just say that I have been around the block a few times and back! In all of the things I have done in my life, the places I have been, the people I have met, the meetings I attended, the trips I have taken, the things I have owned, and the things I have lost, my boldest memories, the ones that I keep near and dear to my heart, are all in really simple, ordinary, and very austere settings. For example, a trip I took to somewhere far. I may remember something that happened, something which was said or done on that trip. The thing that I remember is not about how posh the hotel was in which I stayed, or where in the airplane that took me there I sat, or in which fancy restaurants in that faraway place I ate. It is almost invariably a memory of a conversation, a meeting, or a feeling I had in a roadside cafe, or walking down the street when the rain broke out, or the scents I smelled while visiting the downtown area of that city. Somehow, somewhere in my mind, the opulence or physical attributes of the experience are diminished to zero, leaving me with only the essence of the experience and the memory. I don't know if I explained a feeling that is baffling to myself very well.

Lying in my bed and looking at the ceiling today, I remembered how I was sitting at the table for two somewhere, sipping a simple cup of tea, feeling safe, wanted, fulfilled, and joyous. It was a happy memory. It was a wonderful flashback to a time that was bold and beautiful as it was taking place. It wasn't tainted with loss or longing. It didn't have any questions hanging from it, it was clear, crisp, and bright. Though long gone, with pain and sadness in its wake for a while, today the memory felt gorgeous, cheerful, and dear. It was framed perfectly placed inside a frame of love. This was really the most perfect sick day of the past year, for so much that has been cluttered and pushed around inside my heart, finally seems to be taking shape, falling into place, and getting organized to beautiful effect. I think lying on that bed, looking at the ceiling today, I found something really good in the attic of my mind.

For Love and Peace

Aksana B., a Ukranian pianist in Sweden, plays Anoushirvan Rohani's Del-e-Koochoolo, a long-time favorite of mine. I wonder what has inspired her to play Persian music? Does she love an Iranian man? When I loved an Iranian man, I moved mountains for him! It's beautiful music, delivered beautifully. Enjoy!

Just a quick note to say that I will be going to a peace demonstration in San Francisco (at the San Francisco Civic Center Plaza) later today with my younger son. The protest will be against Israeli attacks on Gaza. We will be joining the Iranian contingent which has been organized by my friend Enayat. If you live in this area, join us. The Iranian contingent will meet on the corner of Grove and Larkin, in front of San Francisco Public Library, at 11:00 a.m.

I hope you have a beautiful Saturday, full of love and peace. Please don't forget to pray for world peace, too. I promise to write a proper post when I return later today. I miss writing here!

Off To 2009

Sasan Nakhshab sings Hele Zirak, a song based on a Molana (Rumi) poem. I think he is an architect in San Diego, California. I believe his son accompanies him in this song. I admire an ordinary man who sings for his heart from his heart.

And so, the holidays are over. My little celebrations with friends and family are over and my older son will return to Santa Cruz tomorrow. The new year is upon us and I need to face it with all the promises I'm holding of it in my heart. Though I have no specific resolutions this year, I am aware of areas in my life which need attention, hard work, and perseverance. I am ready to do them, I think! I hope as all of you who live in the western world are getting ready to start your new year, you are filled with energy and optimism for accomplishing all that you need to do. Here's wishing all of you a great year, full of personal joy and love. Have a good Monday everybody!

Love

High and low

I looked

I searched

I begged

Searching for meaning

Searaching for interpretation

Searaching for guidance

Hills

Mountains

Pinnacles

Ponds

Lakes, and

Oceans

Deserts

Plains, and

Continents

Sorcerers

Fortune tellers, and

Wisemen

Texts

Books, and

Schools

When I returned

Empty-handed

Tired, and

Desolate

Seeking comfort

Shelter

Solace

Within

Alone with my heart

I saw it

Touched it

Drank it

And grew

The alchemy of life

The essence of being

The key to peace all around

Love.

Peace From The Heart

I start the New Year with just three wishes and no resolutions this year! Ha ha! Resolutions are hard. Either you try to achieve them, which is hard work, or you skip and ignore them, which is also hard, because you know you should be sticking with them and you aren't, and that makes you feel guilty! This year, my dear friends, I have no resolutions, zero! I have decided I am already doing my best and I don't want to hear another word about it! Heeh! What a grouchy way to start the New Year, don't you think?! Actually, I'm laughing my head off as I type these words, because I have decided to liberate myself from the black clouds of responsibility to really hard goals, such as quitting smoking, getting more organized, exercising, losing weight, cleaning the garage (again!), etc. No, thank you!

Instead, as the moments were getting closer and closer to 12:00, I concentrated on three wishes. I'll tell you about my 2nd wish, keeping the other two in my heart for now! My second wish was for world peace. I closed my eyes and with all my heart wished that there would be no more death and devastation in the world, and that peace would prevail worldwide immediately. Too many wars have already happened in my lifetime. I am not proud of that. I think if every citizen of the world understood the true humiliation the entire humanity must endure each time another senseless and preventable war is started, then people would feel more compelled to stop wars. If all nations protest wars vehemently, I doubt governments can initiate wars so easily. I wish for peace which should start in every human being's heart and mind first, spreading through families, tribes, nations, and the world. I think peace that starts in people's hearts is the longest lasting kind of peace, surpassing any treaty, any resolution, and any convention.

I hope the New Year is full of personal joy, comfort, peace, love, and health for you. I hope this is the year your love for the special people in your lives is renewed and enriched, helping you along farther and faster and lighter to achieve other big things in your lives. I hope those who don't have that special person in their lives yet, are hit with the thunder of love! Love is what it's all about, trust me on this!

Happy New Year Everybody!

Joy Found

Two young musicians, Aida Shahghasemi and Amirhossein Kiani, perform Kisses of Rain, Booseh haye baraan, at a concert in Minnesota. The original song composed by Master Hossein Alizadeh, on a priceless love poem by Mohammad Reza Shafie Kadkani, was performed by Mohammad Reza Shajarian.

I think this is the ultimate Iranian love song. This performance by the two young artists is touching and reminiscent of so many memories for me.

Is there any such thing as "love lost?" I mean, when we love someone and that relationship ends, is that love lost? I used to think it was, and I used to mourn it. Somehow I missed it so much, I used to get sad over its loss. These days I'm re-thinking past love affairs of my life. I think in each of them, I didn't "lose" anything, but I "found" something, something that will never be lost, for that love was beautiful, bold, exciting, and valuable for as long as it lasted. Why mourn it? Why get sad? It added something to me in depth and experience, and as such it should be remembered with joy and happiness and a feeling of wealth and not loss. Here's to all my past loves, wherever they are now. A big piece of those men continues to live in my heart and in my life. That is joy found, not love lost. That's what I think.

Happy Sunday everybody. Please share your love songs with me if you care.

Merry Christmas!

My favorite American singer of all time, Bruce Springsteen sings "Santa Claus is Coming To Town," at a 2007 Paris concert with E Street Band.

It's Christmas Eve. My little house holds all that is near and dear to me in this world, my two sons and their friends, good music, and a lot of cheer and hope. My little broken record here would like to encourage you all to love your kin and lovers like there is no tomorrow. Kiss them, hug them, and tell them you love them as many times as you can. The best things in life are always the simplest ones. A few words, a good gaze, a warm embrace, and a little care are all free and simple gifts you can give each other. Go do it! Merry Christmas!

Christmas, Khatami, Ahmad, and I

My younger son helped me set up our Christmas tree again this year.

It feels like it was only yesterday when I wrote here about Christmases past in Tehran. Today I remembered another memory of my days in Tehran.

I remember the first Christmas Mohammad Khatami had been elected President. Iran was a rainbow of joy and hope, and Tehran was hosting the Organization of Islamic Countries’ Summit in December 1997. I left a meeting in downtown Tehran, hailed an orange taxi cab, and asked the cab driver whether he could spend an hour or two, taking me around Tehran to buy some things. He agreed. He was a middle-aged man who was dressed in what we would consider “laat-e-kolah-makhmali” attire. His coat was resting on his shoulders with his hands free from the sleeves. The back of his shoes had been pushed inside, and in his hands he sported a green rosary with which he was playing as he drove his Paykan. True to form, he also had a black felt hat on. He had kind eyes and a deep Tehrani accent, complete with lingo that was reminiscent of old Iranian movie characters.

I told him I needed to pick up a Christmas tree first. He took me to the Armenian neighborhood of Tehran just below Takht-e-Tavoos Avenue and helped me carry the tree and secure it in the trunk. On our way to my next destination, he and I started talking about politics. I told him I had watched President Khatami receive his foreign counterparts at the airport that morning. I told him how impressed I had been with him. He looked at me in the mirror and asked me what about the President had impressed me. I told him I didn’t really know. Maybe it was that he seemed to be speaking to the arriving leaders easily, in English? In German? In Arabic?, and that he was acting “stately,” something I hadn’t seen before. I told him also that even in his clergy outfit he seemed lithe and somehow contemporary, belonging to today. Maybe it was because he wasn’t wearing sandals, I guess.

The cab driver kept moving his rosary in his hands and looking at me in the rearview mirror. He asked me gently: “Really? You are obviously a woman who has seen more than life in Tehran. Do you really think that a president who can chit-chat in a language other than Farsi is impressive? Or one who wears regular shoes? Does that make him a good president?” He said: “I feel so sorry for my country. Who would have thought there would come a day when knowing a second language at conversational levels or wearing shoes would be considered impressive?” I was so embarrassed. The “laat-e-kolah-makhmali” cab driver didn’t look so laat anymore! I asked him his name and his background. He told me his name was Ahmad and that he had a master’s degree in political science from Tehran University. He had been a teacher before he had been dismissed because of his political beliefs. We talked a lot more about a lot of other things before I bid him goodbye, tree and turkey and fruits in hand. I learned a few important lessons about myself, about life, and about Iranian politics from him that day. Those lessons have only become bolder and more important with time.

Merry Christmas!

Namjoo and Writing

I found this live recording of an unknown music session by Mohsen Namjoo, in which he sings Jabr-e Joghrafiaee (I translate the title into Georgraphically Challenged). I love this man and his music. I love this song and its lyrics.

It's a rainy, lazy Sunday. I'm listening to music and writing. My sons are sleeping in after a long Yalda celebration last night. I celebrated with dear friends, too, going to bed at 4:00 a.m.! I hope wherever you are, you are enjoying your day. Rest and love and eat and celebrate life as much as you can. This might be a good day to give someone you really love a quiet but sturdy hug! Enjoy your day!

The Longest Night

A Yalda spread. Photo from here.

A beautiful crystal bowl, filled with clear water sat in the middle of the coffee table in my parents’ living room. It was surrounded by bowls and plates of fruit, dried nuts and candy, Ajeel, pastries, seeded pomegranates, and bright red watermelon. My mother’s silver candlesticks had fresh candles in them, giving the room a poetic glow. My father’s old Hafez sat prominently on a side table, untouchable by the rest of us, waiting for him alone to announce the appropriate moment. My brother played his setar and its sweet sound warmed up the group sitting around him.

It was Yalda, the longest night of the year at winter solstice. A young boy, my nephew, picked up the water bowl and started making the rounds around the room. Each person he faced made a wish, and dropped a small sign, a ring, a coin, an earring, into the bowl of shimmering clear water. Once everyone’s sign was put in the water, he returned the bowl to the table. My father picked up his Hafez, prayed, and opened a page. He would start reading the poem aloud. Everyone listened. Nobody knew whose fa’al this was…yet. After he was done, the young boy would close his eyes and reach inside the water bowl, pulling out one of the signs and hold it up. That is when we knew in response to whose wish Hafez had just spoken. Everyone exclaimed and laughed, talking about the poem. Then my father would open his Hafez book again to read another poem, and we would all listen, waiting to find out whose poem it was this time, until everyone’s was done.

Yalda, the long night of memories, the night of sweet poems, the night of hope, the night of the purest Iranian celebration, is the year’s sweetest and warmest and most beautiful night for me. Happy Yalda.

For Hossein Derakhshan

Following is an open letter in protest of circumstances surrounding the arrest of Hossein Derakhshan, an Iranian blogger who has been detained in Tehran for over a month now. If you wish, please publish it in your blogs and leave your name in the comments section. I will pass it along to be added to the list of those who have signed it. Thank you.

We, the undersigned, view the circumstances surrounding the Iranian authorities' arrest of Hossein Derakhshan (hoder.com), one of the most prominent Iranian bloggers, as extremely worrying. Derakhshan's disappearance, detention at an unknown location, lack of access to his family and attorneys, and the authorities' failure to provide clear information about his potential charges is a source of concern for us.

The Iranian blogging community is one of the largest and most vibrant in the world. From ordinary citizens to the President, a diverse and large number of Iranians are engaged in blogging. These bloggers encompass a wide spectrum of views and perspectives, and they play a vital role in open discussions of social, cultural and political affairs.

Unfortunately, in recent years, numerous websites and blogs have been routinely blocked by the authorities, and some bloggers have been harassed or detained. Derakhshan's detention is but the latest episode in this ongoing saga and is being viewed as an attempt to silence and intimidate the blogging community as a whole.

Derakhshan's own position regarding a number of prisoners of conscience in Iran has been a source of contention among the blogging community and has caused many to distance themselves from him. This, however, doesn't change the fact that the freedom of expression is sacred for all not just the ones with whom we agree.

We therefore categorically condemn the circumstances sourrounding Derakhshan's arrest and detention and demand his immediate release.

ما امضا کنندگان ذیل، شرایط دستگیری حسین درخشان، یکی از سرشناس ترین بلاگرهای ایرانی، توسط مقامات ایران را به شدت نگران کننده می دانیم. ناپدید شدن، حبس در مکانی مجهول، عدم دسترسی به اعضای خانواده و وکلای مدافع، و اعلام نکردن اطلاعات شفاف در خصوص موارد اتهام احتمالی نامبرده همگی باعث نگرانی ما ست.

جامعه وبلاگ نویسان ایران یکی از فعال ترین و بزرگترین جوامع اینترنتی جهان است. از شهروندان معمولی تا رییس جمهور ایران، بسیاری به امر نوشتن در وبلاگهای مختلف مشغول اند. این وبلاگ نویسان دارای طیف وسیعی از عقاید و آرا هستند و نقش مهمی در

مباحث اجتماعی، فرهنگی، و سیاسی ایفا می کنند.

متاسفانه ظرف سالهای اخیر، وبسایت ها و وبلاگهای متعددی به صورت منظم توسط مقامات ایران فیلتر شده و شماری از وبلاگ نویسان با آزار و حبس روبرو شده اند. بازداشت حسین درخشان تنها آخرین نمونه از این نوع برخوردها ست و به نظر می آید این اقدام در راستای ایجاد رعب و واداشتن وبلاگ نویسان به سکوت طراحی شده است.

مواضع حسین درخشان در خصوص تعدادی از کسانی که بدلیل عقایدشان زندانی شده اند باعث رنجش جامعه وبلاگ نویسان ایرانی بوده و همین موجب شده بسیاری از آنان از وی دوری بجویند. با اینهمه، این موضوع این حقیقت را نفی نمی کند که آزادی بیان حقی مقدس است و باید برای همه در نظر گرفته شود، نه فقط کسانی که با آنها موافقیم.

بنابرین، ما از این منظر، به طور اصولی شرایط دستگیری و بازداشت حسین درخشان را محکوم می کنیم و خواهان آزادی فوری او هستیم.

Arash Abadpourhttp://kamangir.net/

Niki Akhavanhttp://benevis-dige.blogspot.com/

Hossein Bagher Zadehhttp://www.iranian.com/bagherzadeh

Sanam Dolatshahihttp://www.khorshidkhanoom.com/

Mehdi Jamihttp://sibestaan.malakut.org/

Jahanshah Javidhttp://www.iranian.com/

Abdee Kalantarihttp://www.nilgoon.org/

Sheema Kalbasihttp://www.zaneirani.blogspot.com/

Nazli Kamvarihttp://sibiltala.blogspot.com/

Nazy Kavianihttp://nazykaviani.blogspot.com/

Peyvand Khorsandihttp://soulbean.wordpress.com/

Nikahang Kowsarhttp://nikahang.blogspot.com/

Omid Memarianhttp://omidmemarian.blogspot.com/

Pedram Moallemianhttp://www.eyeranian.net/

Ali Moayedianhttp://payvand.com/

Ebrahim Nabavihttp://www.doomdam.com/

Masoome Naseri http://www.mimnoon.com/

Sharnush Parsipur www.shahrnushparsipur.com/index.htm

Khodadad Rezakhanihttp://www.vishistorica.com/

Leva Zandhttp://balootak.com/

New Names added:

Adam-e Golabihttp://measer-pear.blogspot.com/

Mehrdad Aref-Adibhttp://www.aref-adib.com

Bamdad Iranihttp://bamdadi.com/

Darius Kadivarhttp://www.iranian.com/main/blog/darius-kadivar

Haji Kensingtonhttp://www.mibibi.com/

Yaser Kerachianhttp://vahid.blogspot.com

Foaad Khosmoodhttp://www.iranian.com/main/blog/foaad-khosmood

Mehran Mehrafshanhttp://xseer.com/

Seraj Mirdamadihttp://www.roozneveshtha.com/

Hadi Naserihttp://hadinaseri.blogfa.com/

Kaveh Nouraee http://www.iranian.com/main/blog/kaveh-nouraee

Shahrnush Parsipurhttp://www.shahrnushparsipur.com/

Cyrus Shahidihttp://andishehblog.wordpress.com/

Sameddin Ziaeehttp://sameddin-ziaee.blogspot.com/

Majid Zoharihttp://www.majidzohari.com/

The Loving Snow-woman

My blogger friend, sweet Robert in Germany had promised to share a picture of his snowman in the house of his childhood when it snowed this year. He has made his snowman and has kindly shared its photo with us. Here it is! The surprising twist is that it is a sassy-looking snow-WOMAN! I love the smile and the arms raised in preparation for a hug! Her hair is awesome, too! What a great way to start a day. Absolutely lovely. Thank you Robert! Have a beautiful day everybody and stay warm!

P.S. I fixed the link on the videoclip on yesterday's post. Do take a look. It's one of the funniest things I have ever seen on YouTube!