2/07/2009

Chop Chop!

The scissors moved quickly and expertly, chop chop, I could hear the work in progress, but I didn’t wish to see. Past that early jolt when my ponytail was cut off in one move, I didn’t want to see. I kept my eyes closed and instead, I heard the sound of the comb running through my wet hair and the chop chop of the scissors.
I travelled through my thoughts and my reflections, memories and wishes, longings and sadnesses, hoping to organize my head as it was being relieved of all the extra weight. I didn’t want to think about turning ugly or undesirable, because I didn’t want to think “for whom?” Chop chop the scissors went.
I remembered my friend Soussan in the last days of her life, bald, missing her beautiful eyelashes and eyebrows from round after round of chemotherapy, drugged up and unreachable.
I thought of Hadi’s sister in Montreal who is also going through chemotherapy to deal with Leukemia.
Chop chop, I listened, and thought about life as it is and as it goes on, about how much fault we find with here and now, how we worry more about what is missing than what there is. I thought the sad thoughts of loss and longing.
I thought about the tears that had been building up in a pond just behind my eyes, unpermitted to move, unforgiven if disobedient. I thought about the young love happening in my home, and the twinkle which keeps surprising me in my son’s eyes. I thought about opening that audio file and my unexpected delight at hearing my son sing a complete song in it. I thought about the delightful taste of pomegranates and yogurt on my tongue, when he encouraged me to “just try it.” I thought about all the last gazes and kisses, embraces and unuttered words of goodbye, repeated a million times in my life. I could feel the disobedient pond moving forward and sliding on my cheeks, catching the snippets of hair on their way down. I couldn’t hear the chop chop anymore, but I didn’t want to open my eyes to see.
I looked in the mirror. It was still me, with short hair. Life was intact. Hope was still around. My face needed a good washing.
*******
I donated my hair to Wigs For Kids today.

15 comments:

jeerjeerak said...

I cried with your post...
My heart and prayers are with those who are fighting with cancer.

NeghNeghoo said...

beatiful, poetic and emotional.

Nazgol said...

truly touching post. You know that
I miss you so much? I am at class and I think about you and fancy that if I go home and open my Gooder I will see you there. Chop, chop. Time to bring twinkle to your readers' eyes.

digebase said...

hi nazi
I just read the beginning part of ur web. that sounds nice :D
so I'm going to add ur link and stay in touch with you.
with best wishes ...
HE

Nasim said...

beautiful and touching..

Hyacinth said...

Beautiful post and how wonderful that you're donating your hair to Wigs for Kids...my goddaughter battled cancer at age 1 and again at age 8 and it's heartbreaking to see how much pain these kids have to go through...anything that would bring a smile to their faces is amazing and "Wigs for Kids" is a wonderful organization.

Helaleh said...

Beautiful expression Nazy joon,

"I thought about the tears that had been building up in a pond just behind my eyes, unpermitted to move, unforgiven if disobedient."

Beautiful! It transfers the sense so well!

Azita said...

Nazy jan, your post left me speechless. It took me through a rollercoaster of emotions. Not only because of what you wrote but also of the gut wrenching feelings I got afterwards. So instead of responding to your post, with Valentines Day just around the corner, I wish you all the sweet love there is in the world. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your friend and all the children and adults who are battling cancer.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Anonymous said...

I'm so impressed by your beautiful,touching post Nazy jounam.May God bless you and yours.

Hugs&Kisses

Marzieh

مسعود said...

سلام نازی خانم
سطر آخر را ادامه بده :
با همتی بلند
با چشمانی پرفروغ
با قلبی پر از امید
با اراده ای استوار
با گام هایی محکم
با لبانی سرود خوان
روبه آینده
.......

Esfand` said...

I missed you!!
Glad to have you back in all your splendid form!

Keep inspiring!

ghalbe khoshbakht said...

Nazy e nazaninam, yaghin daram ke yeki az ta'sir gozartarin va narmtarin neveshtehaye omramo khundam inja, pesarak tu baghalam arum khabide va man amighan dar arameshe neveshtat seyr mikonam.

kheeeeeeeeyli be yadetam
Saideh

نیلوفر said...

نازی جونم سلام
وااااای فوق العاده بود
نمیدونم این ویدیو را دیدن یا نه...ولی این نوشته من را به یاد این انداخت
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rnjfNeinP5w

فکر کنم جز تاثیر گذارترین پنجاه ثانیه زندگیم بوده

nimshab said...

Nazy joon loved your post. And you new hair style.

Maral said...

Unbelievable