Missing Rasht Tonight

Someone shared this video clip of Rashti music with me tonight. I am sharing it with you. I miss Rasht. Salam beguftam tera, javab nadaee mera... Lovely old Gilak song and full of memories for me. I hope you enjoy it! Have a good Friday everybody!

The Persian Jam

Hooman, Shari, Behzad, and Niloofar, making music.

Behzad, Bijan, Dr. Zari, Shari, and Reza.

Anahita, Hooman, Dr. Taheri, and Manouchehr Khan Ghanbari.

I went to see my Persian Literature teacher, Dr. Zari Taheri, in Berkeley last night. She has been living in Tokyo at for the past several years, where she researches and teaches Persian literature at Tokyo University of Foreign Studies. Once or twice a year she returns to her home in the Bay Area and during the summers she teaches a Persian poetry class for a few weeks at UC Berkeley, which is attended by her adoring students (more like fans!). This time she had a short visit and we only had a chance to see her last night for a few hours at one of our classmates’ home in Berkeley.

Of course, Zari is always equipped with Persian poetry to disarm us and we were willingly ready to abandon the “party” to join her in another “class” as she pulled out her little Khayyam book and started to read Khayyam’s poems for us. But what happened instead was a lot of fun! People pulled out their musical instruments and assembled a small, but complete musical group who picked up on the Khayyam poetry and started playing and singing for the rest of us. Someone even danced to the tune of the sweet jamming session!

What is it with Iranians and poetry and music? I don’t think anyone can adequately define a “Persian Jam,” where everybody joins with whatever talent they have (and even without it as in my case!), to fill a small corner of time and presence with an age-old tradition, something which feels very pagan in nature?

I mean even when there are no musical instruments and no scholars in attendance, even the smallest of Iranian gatherings could spontaneously turn in the direction of a night-long musical event, so very sweet and so nostalgic.

I suppose other nationalities and ethnic groups engage in spur of the moment musical activities like this, too, but nothing feels as right to me as this, The Persian jam. Has this happened to you, too? What songs do you sing? It’s all music of love to me.

Coming Back

I went to be with my friends tonight after a very long time tonight. I also spent time with my family last weekend. I took some important steps at work this past week, too. I think I'm on my way back to my beautiful life again.

P.S. I wrote and erased thousands of words here tonight. No words seem to do justice to the way I am feeling right now. I think what I already said is representative of how I feel. I'm on my way back.

Chop Chop!

The scissors moved quickly and expertly, chop chop, I could hear the work in progress, but I didn’t wish to see. Past that early jolt when my ponytail was cut off in one move, I didn’t want to see. I kept my eyes closed and instead, I heard the sound of the comb running through my wet hair and the chop chop of the scissors.

I travelled through my thoughts and my reflections, memories and wishes, longings and sadnesses, hoping to organize my head as it was being relieved of all the extra weight. I didn’t want to think about turning ugly or undesirable, because I didn’t want to think “for whom?” Chop chop the scissors went.

I remembered my friend Soussan in the last days of her life, bald, missing her beautiful eyelashes and eyebrows from round after round of chemotherapy, drugged up and unreachable.

I thought of Hadi’s sister in Montreal who is also going through chemotherapy to deal with Leukemia.

Chop chop, I listened, and thought about life as it is and as it goes on, about how much fault we find with here and now, how we worry more about what is missing than what there is. I thought the sad thoughts of loss and longing.

I thought about the tears that had been building up in a pond just behind my eyes, unpermitted to move, unforgiven if disobedient. I thought about the young love happening in my home, and the twinkle which keeps surprising me in my son’s eyes. I thought about opening that audio file and my unexpected delight at hearing my son sing a complete song in it. I thought about the delightful taste of pomegranates and yogurt on my tongue, when he encouraged me to “just try it.” I thought about all the last gazes and kisses, embraces and unuttered words of goodbye, repeated a million times in my life. I could feel the disobedient pond moving forward and sliding on my cheeks, catching the snippets of hair on their way down. I couldn’t hear the chop chop anymore, but I didn’t want to open my eyes to see.

I looked in the mirror. It was still me, with short hair. Life was intact. Hope was still around. My face needed a good washing.

*******

I donated my hair to Wigs For Kids today.

Bouquet of Life

I found another rendition of Del-e-Koochooloo. Composer Anoushiravan Rohani plays the pinano with Mahyar Bahraminasab on Tombak with a symphony and opera singers. Delightful!

Life has been crazy for me lately. I know life is crazy, because I haven't been able to keep my blogs up, and this being my refuge, my home, and where I write from my heart, you will know that my life has been really crazy!

I wished I had something good to show for all the hard work and the distractions. I don't. I'm stuck in a whirlwind which saps all my energy and leaves me exhausted all the time, without any tangible fruit. It is getting to me and I hate it when anything gets to me. One of these days I will have to stop and go back to page 1, where I will have to re-group and re-prioritize my life. I know it has to be done and I've been putting it off. Not good.

On a happier note, my niece and her husband will arrive from Tehran tomorrow. There is something really exciting and a little sad about their move to the US. It's exciting because I love my niece who has been the last member of my immediate family still living in Tehran, and it will be good for all of us to be reunited finally. It is sad, because all of a sudden I am aware that Tehran will never be the same for me again. The thought of having no family to go back to is a sad one. I know I will still have secondary and distant relatives and beautiful new and old friends in Iran, but something important will be missing in my life from now on.

Anyhow, I have been so aware of my posessions in life recently. Mostly non-material, I hold a beautiful and colorful bouquet of assets in my arms these days--my relationships. I am all the more cognizant of that wealth these days, as I have been missing my friends and family a lot. I think I need to start making up for my neglect. I'll start here and work my way through all that I have to do to celebrate my bouquet of life. Have a good Thursday everybody!

In The Attic Of My Mind

Photo by Sanaz from her recent trip to Tehran, Iranian.com, January 14, 2008. I missed Tajrish so much today.

I have been a little under the weather. When I'm sick and bored, too weak to accomplish anything, I have no choice but to think and reflect. I have been thinking, which could be a dangerous thing for me! I have been remembering moments, snippets of conversations, fleeting feelings, and lasting memories. It's really rather funny. We won't talk about just how old I am, but let's just say that I have been around the block a few times and back! In all of the things I have done in my life, the places I have been, the people I have met, the meetings I attended, the trips I have taken, the things I have owned, and the things I have lost, my boldest memories, the ones that I keep near and dear to my heart, are all in really simple, ordinary, and very austere settings. For example, a trip I took to somewhere far. I may remember something that happened, something which was said or done on that trip. The thing that I remember is not about how posh the hotel was in which I stayed, or where in the airplane that took me there I sat, or in which fancy restaurants in that faraway place I ate. It is almost invariably a memory of a conversation, a meeting, or a feeling I had in a roadside cafe, or walking down the street when the rain broke out, or the scents I smelled while visiting the downtown area of that city. Somehow, somewhere in my mind, the opulence or physical attributes of the experience are diminished to zero, leaving me with only the essence of the experience and the memory. I don't know if I explained a feeling that is baffling to myself very well.

Lying in my bed and looking at the ceiling today, I remembered how I was sitting at the table for two somewhere, sipping a simple cup of tea, feeling safe, wanted, fulfilled, and joyous. It was a happy memory. It was a wonderful flashback to a time that was bold and beautiful as it was taking place. It wasn't tainted with loss or longing. It didn't have any questions hanging from it, it was clear, crisp, and bright. Though long gone, with pain and sadness in its wake for a while, today the memory felt gorgeous, cheerful, and dear. It was framed perfectly placed inside a frame of love. This was really the most perfect sick day of the past year, for so much that has been cluttered and pushed around inside my heart, finally seems to be taking shape, falling into place, and getting organized to beautiful effect. I think lying on that bed, looking at the ceiling today, I found something really good in the attic of my mind.

For Love and Peace

Aksana B., a Ukranian pianist in Sweden, plays Anoushirvan Rohani's Del-e-Koochoolo, a long-time favorite of mine. I wonder what has inspired her to play Persian music? Does she love an Iranian man? When I loved an Iranian man, I moved mountains for him! It's beautiful music, delivered beautifully. Enjoy!

Just a quick note to say that I will be going to a peace demonstration in San Francisco (at the San Francisco Civic Center Plaza) later today with my younger son. The protest will be against Israeli attacks on Gaza. We will be joining the Iranian contingent which has been organized by my friend Enayat. If you live in this area, join us. The Iranian contingent will meet on the corner of Grove and Larkin, in front of San Francisco Public Library, at 11:00 a.m.

I hope you have a beautiful Saturday, full of love and peace. Please don't forget to pray for world peace, too. I promise to write a proper post when I return later today. I miss writing here!

Off To 2009

Sasan Nakhshab sings Hele Zirak, a song based on a Molana (Rumi) poem. I think he is an architect in San Diego, California. I believe his son accompanies him in this song. I admire an ordinary man who sings for his heart from his heart.

And so, the holidays are over. My little celebrations with friends and family are over and my older son will return to Santa Cruz tomorrow. The new year is upon us and I need to face it with all the promises I'm holding of it in my heart. Though I have no specific resolutions this year, I am aware of areas in my life which need attention, hard work, and perseverance. I am ready to do them, I think! I hope as all of you who live in the western world are getting ready to start your new year, you are filled with energy and optimism for accomplishing all that you need to do. Here's wishing all of you a great year, full of personal joy and love. Have a good Monday everybody!

Love

High and low

I looked

I searched

I begged

Searching for meaning

Searaching for interpretation

Searaching for guidance

Hills

Mountains

Pinnacles

Ponds

Lakes, and

Oceans

Deserts

Plains, and

Continents

Sorcerers

Fortune tellers, and

Wisemen

Texts

Books, and

Schools

When I returned

Empty-handed

Tired, and

Desolate

Seeking comfort

Shelter

Solace

Within

Alone with my heart

I saw it

Touched it

Drank it

And grew

The alchemy of life

The essence of being

The key to peace all around

Love.

Peace From The Heart

I start the New Year with just three wishes and no resolutions this year! Ha ha! Resolutions are hard. Either you try to achieve them, which is hard work, or you skip and ignore them, which is also hard, because you know you should be sticking with them and you aren't, and that makes you feel guilty! This year, my dear friends, I have no resolutions, zero! I have decided I am already doing my best and I don't want to hear another word about it! Heeh! What a grouchy way to start the New Year, don't you think?! Actually, I'm laughing my head off as I type these words, because I have decided to liberate myself from the black clouds of responsibility to really hard goals, such as quitting smoking, getting more organized, exercising, losing weight, cleaning the garage (again!), etc. No, thank you!

Instead, as the moments were getting closer and closer to 12:00, I concentrated on three wishes. I'll tell you about my 2nd wish, keeping the other two in my heart for now! My second wish was for world peace. I closed my eyes and with all my heart wished that there would be no more death and devastation in the world, and that peace would prevail worldwide immediately. Too many wars have already happened in my lifetime. I am not proud of that. I think if every citizen of the world understood the true humiliation the entire humanity must endure each time another senseless and preventable war is started, then people would feel more compelled to stop wars. If all nations protest wars vehemently, I doubt governments can initiate wars so easily. I wish for peace which should start in every human being's heart and mind first, spreading through families, tribes, nations, and the world. I think peace that starts in people's hearts is the longest lasting kind of peace, surpassing any treaty, any resolution, and any convention.

I hope the New Year is full of personal joy, comfort, peace, love, and health for you. I hope this is the year your love for the special people in your lives is renewed and enriched, helping you along farther and faster and lighter to achieve other big things in your lives. I hope those who don't have that special person in their lives yet, are hit with the thunder of love! Love is what it's all about, trust me on this!

Happy New Year Everybody!

Joy Found

Two young musicians, Aida Shahghasemi and Amirhossein Kiani, perform Kisses of Rain, Booseh haye baraan, at a concert in Minnesota. The original song composed by Master Hossein Alizadeh, on a priceless love poem by Mohammad Reza Shafie Kadkani, was performed by Mohammad Reza Shajarian.

I think this is the ultimate Iranian love song. This performance by the two young artists is touching and reminiscent of so many memories for me.

Is there any such thing as "love lost?" I mean, when we love someone and that relationship ends, is that love lost? I used to think it was, and I used to mourn it. Somehow I missed it so much, I used to get sad over its loss. These days I'm re-thinking past love affairs of my life. I think in each of them, I didn't "lose" anything, but I "found" something, something that will never be lost, for that love was beautiful, bold, exciting, and valuable for as long as it lasted. Why mourn it? Why get sad? It added something to me in depth and experience, and as such it should be remembered with joy and happiness and a feeling of wealth and not loss. Here's to all my past loves, wherever they are now. A big piece of those men continues to live in my heart and in my life. That is joy found, not love lost. That's what I think.

Happy Sunday everybody. Please share your love songs with me if you care.

Merry Christmas!

My favorite American singer of all time, Bruce Springsteen sings "Santa Claus is Coming To Town," at a 2007 Paris concert with E Street Band.

It's Christmas Eve. My little house holds all that is near and dear to me in this world, my two sons and their friends, good music, and a lot of cheer and hope. My little broken record here would like to encourage you all to love your kin and lovers like there is no tomorrow. Kiss them, hug them, and tell them you love them as many times as you can. The best things in life are always the simplest ones. A few words, a good gaze, a warm embrace, and a little care are all free and simple gifts you can give each other. Go do it! Merry Christmas!