Ink of Love

And so, I'm going through a little bit of blues these past couple of days. I used to agonize over whether or not I should talk about my sad days. You know, some people may not expect to hear me nag or complain or just be plain sad! I think I'm past worrying about that, and when I'm sad I say I'm sad. I am a very ordinary woman, with my joys, fears, pains, and hopes. Some days are good and some days are bad for me, just like everyone else. I think the only difference between me and some other people is that I write about my life more than they do, so I take that responsibility seriously.

One of my young friends kindly criticized me recently, saying that I am always only talking about positive things, alluding to the fact that I might be making my life to sound "unreal" or "incomplete," for no life is perfect and devoid of pain. I told her that at my age and station in life, I have lived long enough to know that even on bad days, good days will definitely come my way again very soon, and that even the worst days of my life these days, cannot compare in intensity and pain to some days I experienced in my life not too long ago. I know the difference between temporary irritations and permanent miseries, and these days I have no permanent miseries in my life to complain about! Simple as that! I told my friend that when I was her age, I reacted to situations a lot more dramatically, but that I have learned to wait out the harder days with what good things I can find.

There have been things in my life which I didn't, couldn't, write about recently. I had some crises in some of my personal relationships which were very painful, bringing me feelings of anxiety, confusion, and betrayal. I felt writing about those feelings on a public medium wasn't in the best interest of the people involved, including myself, and would be unfair to all. I kept quiet during some pretty hard times, then. Was that "unreal?" I don't think so, because even on those days I could find something else to write about. A pen is a double-edged sword! It can do good and it can cause harm. Given a choice, I'd rather my humble pen write about hope, write about love, and write about things I find amusing and interesting and positive in life. I know I am capable of writing about powerful feelings of desertion, betrayal, and abuse, too. Those who know me a little better know that I also have personal stories which would fit into those categories quite comfortably. I don't want to talk about those stories, though. They may be a part of my life, but not all of it. I should like to think that my life is a lot bigger and better and more positive than those events. I truly believe that eyes covered in tears cannot have perfect vision, and pens which dabble in the ink of hate and rage and sorrow, cannot write good things. I write with the ink of love.

Photo by Mona Atashfaraz.

چون قلم اندر نوشتن می شتافت،چون به عشق آمد قلم بر خود شکافت

Scattered Thoughts

Tea for one, today.

I spent a peaceful weekend with my family and doing things that needed to be done. My kids are on one of their rare "not speaking to each other" trips, and this makes me a bit sad. Soon enough they will resume their very close relationship, but it bothers me to no end when they go through these brotherly spats. I'd much rather see them ganging up on me than each of them being separately really nice to me and not talking to one another!

On a separate note, something happened this weekend and I was reminded of one of my biggest flaws! Heeh! Confession time! Here goes: I don't take too kindly to people who break their promises. I don't need signatures and documents or swearing on one's honor to accept a promise; a simple verbal promise will do. But when people break those promises I go completely berserk! That's a flaw, I think. I should be more forgiving, I suppose, but this is one of the few areas of human shortcoming which is just too hard for me to take. I think a promise is too important to break, especially where it is not a matter of life or death which moves people to break a promise, but some calculation the result of which makes them do it (chortkeh). I have walked out of long-standing professional and personal relationships because of this, and I have had to pay a high price for this simple and dangerous requirement of mine. It's just that it's really hard for me to trust someone after he/she breaks a promise, because a real relationship cannot survive without trust, I believe. What do you think?

I'll be taking a short trip to visit dear friends in London in late June. If you live near London and would like to get together for a couple of hours when I'm there, let me know and we can arrange something. Leave a comment or send me an email if you like.

Have a good Tuesday you all!

Passing Through

My friend sings a sweet folk melody of Lorestan in a circle of my other friends, March 14, 2008.

My Saturday was spent doing some satisfying publishing work and cleaning the house with my younger son. In preparation for Nowrooz, I have gorgeous tulips, hyacinths, and narcissi around my house and every corner I turned smelled so good today! My cell phone battery died intermittently today, and I had very few phone calls to distract me from my work, so I kept at it until it was finished. A clean house and dead tired bones--very satisfying indeed!

I asked my younger son to change a toilette seat cover for me today. He mulled over the never-heard-before assignment and instead of telling me off, like he is prone to do, he took the car keys and the credit card and left for the hardware store! He came back 30 minutes later with the wrong toilette seat cover (too big) and had to go back and get another one and install it. He didn't complain, he didn't drag his feet, and in the end he did a very good job of it. You know, raising boys by myself has its pitfalls in that I can usually only teach them what I know. I don't know how to be a handyman around the house, so my kids haven't learned it, either. When things like this happen, even if the task is really simple, I become so grateful for the initiative.

My kids have gone to the City to celebrate their youth. I hope they are safe and that they enjoy themselves. As for me, I'm spending a quiet evening by myself, celebrating my not-so-youthful life! Life is so beautiful, I thought to myself again today. I mustn't waste a moment of it on negative thoughts which drain my energies. I have to accept things I cannot change and move on, even if this means suffering through temporary losses, because with high energy and a positive outlook, gains are awaiting me right around the corner, and loads of them, I know! I might write some more about this later in the week. Have a happy Sunday you all.