Can Hafez, Molana, Sohrab, Forough, Alizadeh, and Mesbah Come, Too?

I live in a dangerously thin, long, and deep stretch of space, which is my identity. I live in America, taking daily pains to practice what I know well—being an Iranian. On good days I think I have the best of both worlds. I am free to live, to be, to think, and to talk, because I am in America. I am surrounded by wonderful friends that Americans are, loving and supportive and respectful of me. I am free to love Iran, to follow its news, and to appreciate its music, poetry, and art, among all the other cultural elements I follow. On bad days, though, I feel lost, belonging to this land never, and belonging to the old world no more. When I lose my balance and fall off my thin stretch of identity, I am lost for I am neither Iranian nor American. My friends have asked several times whether they could introduce me to their single American male friends. They say: “Jim is a nice man, a good man, an architect. He is handsome and fun, and he is lonely. We think you two will be so good together.” I say: What would I say to Jim? Talk politics? O.K. We will talk about George Bush. We will talk about Obama and Clinton. Talk social issues? We will talk about our mutual disgust for Brittney Spears and Paris Hilton. Talk life? We will talk about our past experiences, our triumphs and failures. We will talk about our children and their individual characteristics. Talk spirituality and the environment? We will talk about religion and global warming. Then what? What will we talk about? Can Jim and I talk about Sabzeh Meidoon and Tehran Bazaar on a smug-ridden weekday? Can we talk about Sohrab Sepehri’s Sedaye Paye Ab, reading the passage which says: …zendegi abtani kardan dar howzcheye aknoon ast? Can we talk about the nuances of Forough’s Fathe Bagh? May we be engrossed talking about our fear and hate for Mesbah Yazdi? Can I convincingly tell him about my trip to Ghasem Abad Olya, a village on the boarder of Gilan and Mazandaran provinces? Can I tell him about the eerie feeling of Khaneh Mashrooteh in Tabriz? Can I describe the strange and sad and sweet feelings I felt watching an Ashoora parade in Tehran? Can he listen to me tirelessly while I play track after track of sweet Alizadeh music, describing how he wrote Neinava, and how I saw his many live performances, and how it made me feel? On certain nights, without any explicable reason, can I open my Hafez book and make a wish and open the book to cite my Khajeh’s words of wisdom and hope? Can Jim understand fully what it meant to grow up a tomboy in Tehran Pars, riding bicycles and fighting with boys who grew up to follow me home and carry my books, a few years later sending their mothers to my house for khastegari, asking for my hand in marriage? He might. He will have to, if I am to bring him into my life. I can only go to any Jim’s life, if Hafez, Molana, Sohrab, Forough, Alizadeh and Mesbah can come, too. I have yet to meet such a Jim. Have you?


ا. ش said...

زیباترین توصیفی که یک زن ایرانی می تواند از هویت خودش داشته باشد! چه قدر دانا هستی نازی عزیز!ر

Nazy said...

Salam Alef Shin Jan. Thanks for your comment and for the compliment. This post is in a part of my blog which was never really seen by anyone. I had made this blog and I was making entries, but I wouldn't tell anyone about it or its address! You will notice that there are no comments, because no one read them! I called myself a "blogger makhfi" at the time! Feeling hidden, I wrote a little more openly about my feelings. Sure, I write about my feelings openly now, but less as a "woman" than as my other identities. That's the dilemma we face as we are known and visited by many. Thanks again for looking at this post. Be good Alef Shin.

ا. ش said...

اوه پس این طور! حالا من از این پس به تدریج تک تک نوشته های نهفته در این جا را می خوانم و برای شما چیزهایی خواهم نوشت! منتظر من باشید!م