7/24/2008

Ink of Love

And so, I'm going through a little bit of blues these past couple of days. I used to agonize over whether or not I should talk about my sad days. You know, some people may not expect to hear me nag or complain or just be plain sad! I think I'm past worrying about that, and when I'm sad I say I'm sad. I am a very ordinary woman, with my joys, fears, pains, and hopes. Some days are good and some days are bad for me, just like everyone else. I think the only difference between me and some other people is that I write about my life more than they do, so I take that responsibility seriously.
One of my young friends kindly criticized me recently, saying that I am always only talking about positive things, alluding to the fact that I might be making my life to sound "unreal" or "incomplete," for no life is perfect and devoid of pain. I told her that at my age and station in life, I have lived long enough to know that even on bad days, good days will definitely come my way again very soon, and that even the worst days of my life these days, cannot compare in intensity and pain to some days I experienced in my life not too long ago. I know the difference between temporary irritations and permanent miseries, and these days I have no permanent miseries in my life to complain about! Simple as that! I told my friend that when I was her age, I reacted to situations a lot more dramatically, but that I have learned to wait out the harder days with what good things I can find.
There have been things in my life which I didn't, couldn't, write about recently. I had some crises in some of my personal relationships which were very painful, bringing me feelings of anxiety, confusion, and betrayal. I felt writing about those feelings on a public medium wasn't in the best interest of the people involved, including myself, and would be unfair to all. I kept quiet during some pretty hard times, then. Was that "unreal?" I don't think so, because even on those days I could find something else to write about. A pen is a double-edged sword! It can do good and it can cause harm. Given a choice, I'd rather my humble pen write about hope, write about love, and write about things I find amusing and interesting and positive in life. I know I am capable of writing about powerful feelings of desertion, betrayal, and abuse, too. Those who know me a little better know that I also have personal stories which would fit into those categories quite comfortably. I don't want to talk about those stories, though. They may be a part of my life, but not all of it. I should like to think that my life is a lot bigger and better and more positive than those events. I truly believe that eyes covered in tears cannot have perfect vision, and pens which dabble in the ink of hate and rage and sorrow, cannot write good things. I write with the ink of love.

چون قلم اندر نوشتن می شتافت،چون به عشق آمد قلم بر خود شکافت

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

I'm glad you're choosing the ink of love. Here's my take on it: All of us feel down for some reason or another. While it may sometimes soothe the soul to read someone else's problems, it's not productive. Instead, I look forward to reading your posts about love and hopes for the future, about spending time with family and friends, about finding joy in unexpected occurences. Through your pictures of daily life in Berkeley or your kind thoughts and well-wishes for the weekend, I am comforted by your strength, your eagerness to live. Maybe some people find the saying "misery loves company" true, but I'm glad you don't. Instead, you show us your strength and zest for life in your posts and it makes me want to be just like you.

Love,
Assal

نیلوفر said...

نمیدانم ...شاید براتون پیش نیامده ٬‌که میل به نوشتن داشته باشین ٬‌میل به خالی شدن بین حروف ...ولی حرف مثبتی نداشته باشین...انوقته که سر دوراهی میمونین....یا اصلا ننویسین...یا اشک بنویسین
نازی جون !‌ یه وقتایی ادم میگرده یه گوشه غریبی را پیدا میکنه ٬‌تا بغض و اشکش را بذاره ٬‌و توی دنیای واقعی ٬‌بتونه لبخندهای پهن نشون اطرافیانش بده
امیدوارم ٬‌یه روزی به جایی که شما هستین برسم

leila said...

it is couple of weeks i am reading your blog i hope you always write with your ink of love and it is one of the most important things that you try to share your joy not your pain with your friends you should be very strong to do this.hope you pass all sad days to be happy woman again to give your positive energy to your readers.

Helaleh said...

Nazy joon, you know that only very strong people can turn sorrow into something good and positive. Also there is a relation between suffering and creativity, you just use that power in a positive direction. :)

Nazy said...

My Dear Niloofar:

What you described happens to me all the time! When you get used to writing daily posts, a lot of days are exactly as you described for me! Sad and unable to say ALL that is bothering me, I turn to writing something which is easier for me to talk about. That was the point I was trying to make, that's the discipline I work on, not just for my mostly unmet audience, but for ME! I use my writing to remind myself of other things that are still O.K. and beautiful and joyous in life, to help free MYSELF of the sadness which at times feels overwhelming. There is nothing wrong with writing about sadness. It's really good for many people to free themselves of those sad thoughts through writing. The point I am trying to make is that as a personal practice, I try to see the better things in my life to bridge me over better times.

Hey, I have missed you Niloofar! I replied to your comment out of order and after having neglected my comments for a long time, because I thought your point needed an answer right now.

I will start replying to others a little later today, too.

Be good azizam.

Anonymous said...

shayad bayad ghazahaye shadi afarin bokhori nazi joon.masalan tea & coffee kamtar bokhori.dar har hal,in chizi bud ke kheyli vaght bud mikhastam bporsam:inke hey migi posittive bashimo in harfa ,gahi engar dari talghin mikoni ke +bashim,nake vaghean hesse khodetam tu on lahazat +bashe.ino hatman javab bede mikham bedunam.merci.

نیلوفر said...

Thank you so much Nazy joonam !
It's exactly why I love to come here and read what you are writing . I like to read what I can't write about it .
I love the nice and strong woman inside you . and that's the reason I want to be like you...

مسعود said...

نمی دانم کی و کجا و برای که و از چه نوشتم:نباید با نوشتن از واقعیت ها بخصوص پلشتی ها و ناراستی ها متوقف شد،بلکه در آخرکار راه برون رفت را نیز باید نشان داد.و راه برون رفت جز این است که تو می کنی؟
خدا را ای نصیحت گو حدیث ساغر و می گو
که نقشی در خیال ما از این خوشتر نمی گیرد
بنابراین باید شعر تر گفت:
بدین شعر تر شیرین زشاهنشه عجب دارم
که سر تا پای حافظ را چرا در زر نمی گیرد
آنوقت می شود با شعر تر رقصید:
رقص بر شعر تر و ناله نی خوش باشد
خاصه رقصی که در آن دست نگاری گیرند
آیا با هر حالی می شود شعر تر گفت؟
کی شعر تر انگیزد خاطر که حزین باشد
یک نکته از این معنی گفتیم و همین باشد
رمز گیرایی مطالب تو نیز در همین است:
از آن رو هست یاران را صفاها با می لعلش
که غیر از راستی نقشی در آن جوهر نمی گیرد