Tulips, Ducks, Piano, and Love

My niece, Nikou, 14, plays the music of my heart, March 1, 2008.

I let my family take me, drive me, feed me, hug and hold me today. You know, on a par with giving and generosity, receiving and accepting kindness can also be an art form. When people go out of their way to be nice to us, we need to know how to receive that attention and simply say "thank you," instead of resisting and voicing pleasantries, taarof. I am so grateful for my family's putting up with me! I show up occasionally, have a jolly good time with them, and then I disappear for long periods of time, where they don't hear much from me. I have so much going on in my life, it becomes really easy to ignore the one group of people who do love me the most and continually put up with me. On days like today, when I reach out to them and let them take care of me, I think to myself how crazy it has been to have let this time go by where there was such a wonderful source of energy and love waiting for me all along. I'll do better, I promise myself.
My sweet niece, Yasi, drove me, bought me coffee, and let me talk nonstop about some things on my mind. She listened and her words helped me. A lot! My sister's home was all ready for Nowrooz. She had flowers, tulips and hyacinths everywhere, and had candles and sweets in every corner of her sweet little house in Sacramento. Her children were so good to me, I guess happy to see their missing Khaleh after a few weeks!
I was surprised to see that my sister had two ducks in her swimming pool. She said this is the second year those two have shown up in her backyard! Last year they came and roosted and had 12 ducklings right in her backyard, which one of the neighbors adopted later. This year it was just the two of them and no others. I told her she should keep an eye on them, lest they are there to deliver another 12 ducklings to the world! She was telling me how the ducklings would automatically follow their mother into the swimming pool, but were unable to leave it after their swim, quacking and crying until she would go to their rescue and pull them out of the water! Having stepped out to have a smoke, I stood there watching them be so loving to each other for a long time. I even watched them go to sleep next to one another when it got dark! Amazing.
I hope your Saturday was filled with as much tenderness as mine was. I am so peaceful tonight. I am so lucky.


Leila said...

I am, after some years, with my
family again. Most of these years I was on and off, but now, I am spending much more time with them, however I have missed my being alone.
I felt for Nowrooz previous years so much, I loved it and counted the days to reach it but this year, I can not find anything interesting. I have no idea why.Maybe because it is one more year that I am out of Iran,therefore I don not have such an excitement that I had when I was there.Such a pity!

Anonymous said...

Beautiful music! This year, it will be just me, the Zan Amrikai, with my nesf irooni bacheha for Norooz. I have been thinking it's time to get the sabzeh going so that by Norooz it is actually GREEN! I realize how much I am the one who kept things going in my home--traditions, you know--even though my husband was Iranian. It's so weird how some people get so lost. I was listening to an ooooolllld cassette today, one my husband had when I first met him in autumn 1979--I think it is Anooshirvan Rohani, from what I could read in Persian, but I can't find that album on his website--it's Persian organ music, just beautiful, and I was thinking about how much I miss my husband. But then, I realized, he is not who I think he is. If he were, he never would have left me and our children and gone to live with some zan-amrikia-digeh! You know?

Anyway, thank you for your posts, as always, Nazyjoon. Man asheqesham! Dokhtarjoon, beesh az had cigar nakesh!
Zan Amrikai

Assal said...

Bravo, Nikou!

I'm glad you enjoyed your Saturday, being taken care of by family.

I spent my Saturday and Sunday doing a MAJOR khooneh-tekooni. My mom said it was too early, but I was in the right mood, so Parham and I just threw everything out in the middle of the rooms and had no choice but to clean and put it all back together..

Today was a beautiful day and I'm sad that the weekend is ending, but happy that Norouz is near and I will see you soon.


bayramali said...

what a nice surprise and lovely music
this SAGHI NAMEH music was a good thing to listen in this gloomy and boring Sunday afternoon. I listened it several times, you should proud of your artiest niece
I know your sky is a Little cloudy these days but It will pass and sun will shine
take care dear Nazy

مسعود said...

سلام نازی خانم
اگر آقای گرما رودی این چهار کلمه را داده بود که انشاء بنویسی احتمالا چیزی مثل همین می شد که نوشته ای،با عنوان :عشق در لانه اردک مثلا.اینها بازی با کلمات نیست.از کوزه برون همان تراود که دروست.جریان ناب زندگی است در رگ و ریشه تو.آنجه در نوشته های تو حضور دارد همین جریان زندگی است و تو هر روز این جریان را جاری می کنی در رگ زمان. عجیب اینجاست که تکراری نیست ولی پیوسته است
به قول ا.ش عزیز ترا زمانی ست.
(من چه م شده امروز؟)
زنده باشی

! said...

نازی جونم باز هم این نوشته ی ما حذف شد !!!
ای بابا ...
اشکال نداره می گذره !!!

Nazy said...

Salam Leila Jan:

I understand the nostalgia and sadness of missing Iran quite well. Yes, sometimes it appears that we are merely going through the motions, without feeling the depths of the joy ceremonies and seasons are supposed to generate. I have felt that way about birthdays but not about Nowrooz. There is something really elemental about how I feel around this time of the year.

I know what you mean about families, too. It has taken me years to find balance in my relationship with my family, where I feel free and comfortable, yet attached and supported. Even now, my family voice complaints and concerns about my "staying away" too long, or keeping them at arm's length! I keep telling them that I have a life which requires solitude and long hours sitting at a keyboard, working and writing, and naturally I can't be doing that work in the middle of a family gathering. They make understanding noises, but at the next opportune moment, they complain about me again! The good news is that they do love us and want more of us, I guess!

I hope the waves and sparkles of Nowrooz engulf and embrace you soon. It's just too good a time of year not to be feeling awake and hopeful with it.

Take care sweet Leila.

Nazy said...

Zan Amrikai Joonam:

Salam Azizam. Yes, soon it will be time to grow the Sabzeh. You are such a good Iranian my friend! I am quite familiar with the notion of a woman holding it together for the entire family. I, too, did it for a long time.

This year will mark the third Nowrooz in which I will be "the head of my household." I will do the cleaning, the shopping, the haft-sin setup, the buying of new clothes for my kids, the shopping for presents, the urging of my children to attend the moment of year change, the leading of them in prayer, and then the getting us in a car to go visit our older relatives. Well, you know that there is something sad about being solo, already. What you don't know yet, is that there is power in being the head of the household, too! Hee Hee, it makes you "the decider!" You can choose and do exactly as you wish!

That first year was really hard for me. I had only been here for just a week when Nowrooz rolled in and I was so lost and so bereft. Last year was better, but I was getting ready to move and it felt so temporary to set up a haft sin. This year, we live in our own house, which is bigger and a lot more comfortable. I feel so much better and more hopeful. Time has helped a lot with that development, and of course things happen in time, too! My children have been excellent sources of energy and hope for me, coming of age and becoming really good friends to me.

My older son will most likely be moving away to attend his junior year of college, with his brother probably following suit a year after him. I do value and appreciate these times immensely, as they might end soon to accomodate my children's growth and life. I enjoy every second of it as much as I can.

Zan Amrikai Jan. I am not unfamiliar with the pain you describe. It is pretty awful to be left for something or someone. I also know the feeling of "missing" the person with whom you have shared so much, even though looking at him when he is around, you may not recognize the ghoul talking to you from the man who was so tender and loving before, creating utter confusion in your head, wondering whether all of that which "was" was a dream, or all of that which "is" is a nightmare! When we love a lot, it takes us a lot longer to accept the bad news and to move on to the next phase of life, but we will.

Here's a blog post I wrote about some of my sentiments on the issue. http://nazykaviani.blogspot.com/2007_10_01_archive.html#5499824315996442829

There are other ones, too, but they all point to my passage through those hard times.

Anyhow, this became too long. Please accept my wave after wave of good, comforting, and loving vibes coming your way and wishing you safe passage through your hard times.

So, O.K. Women are forever giving each other support and strength through their hard times, occasionally giving each other pumped up compliments (like you are really gorgeous and beautiful and this and that!). I have never met you and I don't know what you look like, so I won't tell you how youthful and beautiful you look! But I know that a woman who writes what you wrote here, is a very special woman, respectful and loving of her husband's traditions and heritage, learning his language and raising his children with his heritage in mind. So, what I'm about to say is the honest truth Amrikai Jan: The man who left you has lost a very important and valuable gem. It will not be possible for him to replace it in his lifetime, because he doesn't have another 30 years to give a new relationship to test it out--even if he does, they won't be the same years of his youth and energy. He has lost big time and sometime, somewhere, he will know that he has. What and when he will know is not our concern, though. How and what you feel is. Build up a life that will show the strength of the spirit you so obviously own Amrikai Jan. Shine, sparkle, grow, and love, as you have all your life. Move forward, and be happy. Here's rooting for you my friend.

Nazy said...

Assal, Assal, this is ridiculous! I miss you so much. You live, what, 2 miles from me? Please show me your face soon, as I really miss you my friend.

I'm glad you cleaned up. Mine is yet to be accomplished! I have taken tomorrow off to take care of a bit of it if I can. We'll see!

I love you Assal Jan. Please let's do something soon.

Nazy said...

Bayramali Jan:

Leave it to you, Mr. Music and Nostalgia, to name that tune! Yes, Saghinameh is beautiful. I think Nikou did a good job of it, too! She plays Maroofi's Jilla and Shahdad Rohani's Spring, and a few folkloric songs, too. Above all, I adore her for agreeing to play JUST FOR ME!

The clouds will pass Bayram Jan. They have already started. Be good my sweet friend and thank you so very much for coming to visit me and for leaving me such positive comments. You are really a very special man.

Nazy said...

Masoud Jan:

Thank you for your vote of confidence!

Ali Moussavi Garmaroodi was an excellent teacher, loving and watchful. I had another composition teacher, Mr. Ebrahimi, at Kharazmi High School. He was so strict and he and I really clashed in the classroom. So, two months into the year, he decided that he couldn't have me in the classroom anymore. Every Monday he would come to class and ask me to come to the front to read my Ensha: "Kaviani, bia inja." I would go and read my ensha. He would say "Very good, excellent, now leave!" He would kick me out of the class for the rest of the hour, because he loved my writing but not my behavior! Though he kicked me out every week, he helped me with my writing, too.

You are a kind man, Masoud. Have a good day.

Nazy said...


Your kind thoughts were conveyed to me, and I received them. Thank you. Don't worry about a longer comment. Sometimes less is more. Be happy my friend.

Anonymous said...

Nazy, I sent you emails to your hotmail address in response to your wonderful reply to me here. Kheili mamnoonam, azizam; lotf dari. Jed'di migam! Zan Amrikai

Nazy said...

Amrikai Jan:

Greetings. I am appalled at myself for having taken so long to reply to comments and even longer to reply to my emails. I am back at it again. I will write to thank you for those poignant and kind emails. You rock Amrikai Jan.