Initial Love by Aida Foroutan, from Book of Dreams on Iranian.com, October 28, 2008.
Some of my writing has been pouring out of me in the form of poetry, even though I had never written poetry before. I don't know how this all got started, but all of a sudden, words jump out of my head with almost volcanic force and hop onto the keyboard and the result looks like poetry. This has been a scary and at the same time exciting thing for me. This last Sunday, I read a poem I had written to a group of writers, my friends. There was discussion of my poem after the reading. As I was carefully listening to the other poets and writers talk about my poem, taking notes on how to make it better, one of them whose opinion I really respect said: "That was a very devastating poem. It conveyed devastating thoughts and feelings." Heeh! I had conveyed "very devastating thoughts and feelings?!" I must have, for my kind and sensitive friend, a published author himself, wouldn't have said so if I hadn't! I thought I had just written about some memories and of some feelings, albeit sad feelings. I was actually amused until he said: "How do women do that? How can they be so kind and generous to men who have hurt them and why do women remember those men with love even after they have left them?" All of a sudden, I wasn't amused anymore. I was sad.
6 comments:
Don't be sad Nazy jan. Staying in love with someone is a good thing. It means that you only remember the good stuff and keep those memories alive. It shows that you've a big heart and don't hold a grudge against someone. As long as we (women) don't make the same mistake all over again and keep an open mind about a potential new relationship, there is no harm in loving someone forever.
If you're realizing that you can write poems effortlessly, it's because you're a gifted writer. Being in a particular emotional state is also helps, but not unless you have the talent. I think you should be excited about your new writings and keep going. It's amazing how some people’s opinion can have such a negative impact on our feelings or performance. I'm sure your friend did that unconsciously but at the end of the day we should be the one who make us feel good about ourselves.
I'm working part-time for some place that I really like. I knew someone who applied for this job and she refused it only because she was offered another job. So I, as the second choice, was offered the job. It was just last week that it hit me that I was the second choice. All that great feeling about the job disappeared because I was sad for being the second choice. Anyway the long story short, I decided to be grateful about being lucky enough to get this job in the first place. What I am trying to say is that we can feel good OR bad under the same circumstance. It only depends on how we look at it.
I wish you happiness all the time.
p.s. This is a very long comment and I didn't wanted to sound like I was lecturing you. I know it isn't even my place to do so. Please consider this as dar-do del, again something that we (women) do.
Nazy jan,
I think even when a relationship ends in pain or hurt or betrayal, later on after the anger/pain has subsided we can always choose to remember the love that was once shared. I don't think it means that we still love the person or are in love, but it's so much nicer to remember them with kindness and to remember the love and happiness that they brought into our lives, even if it ended badly.
By the way, thanks for posting pictures of Mehrangiz Dolatshahi on the Iranian.com...she was my grandmother's cousin and a truly remarkable woman.
Nazy Jan,
An insensitive or a harsh and a bit judgmental remark to your poem says more about the person and his state of mind at the time rather than your amazing writing ability.
I think men feel differently than women about love, falling in love, being vulnerable, relationships and commitments in general. Some of them may have a hard time understanding women’s expansive and complex range of emotions.
I wonder if any of the women in the group that night felt the same way as he did. There is no right or wrong way to love, one person might approach love and relationships with caution and logic and have a set of rules for it. And there are those who burn themselves like a butterfly around a candle, and survive to tell about it. I am very glad you chose to write about it.
Blessings. Always.
سلام نازی جونم
برای من هم عجیب نبود که تو خاطرات زیبای زندگی مشترک یاعشق رابه یاد میاری.دوستان خیلی جامع بررسی کردند و لذت بردم
خلاصه نگران نباش. من عاشق نگاه قشنگ تو به زندگی هستم.
.راستی آقا ری خوش تیپ رفتند خونه؟!
شبت خوش . شاد و سرفراز باشی.
مرضیه
بگوئید درد دل
نگوئید درد و دل!
چشمک!
My Dear Lovely Friends:
Thank you all so very much for your beautiful, kind, and supportive words. You guys humble me with your kindness.
I should like to make something clear here. My friend was not criticizing nor patronizing me. He was kind and honest and what he said about how women put up with all that hurt and continue loving was his reflection on what he thought he had seen in that poem. I suppose it is only fair if I share the poem with you here, though for a deeply personal reason, I had at first decided not to post it here. Even now I post it here in the comments section only. I think when you read the poem you will see that his intent was a good one and why his reaction was one of devastation, as a man, when he read it. Tell me what you think!
The Key Ring
The key ring felt heavy
Though there were only two keys
I looked back
And said
I think I won’t miss this
But I think you will miss me
The pain that shot
Through my heart
When I knew the lies
The shame that sat
Stark and naked in my eyes
When I knew the truth
The dry gagging
The taste of reality in my throat
Made me think
I think I won’t miss this
But I think you will miss me
The music played
And the dancer danced
And the diva sang
And the master played
And the guests came
And the house was swept
And the hostess knew
She was a guest
She opened the door
The heavy keys witness
And said
I think I won’t miss this
But I think you will miss me
The kisses were sweet
The embraces tight
The gazes deep
The touches real
The laughter high
The whispers low
But the show was over
The actors spent
The audience bored
Walking off the stage
I whispered
I think I won’t miss this
But I think you will miss me
The key ring heavy
The suitcase light
The keys a burden
The boxes relief
The maid’s stare a shame
The friend’s look soothing
One last look behind
Nothing to bid adieu
Keys falling in waiting palm
Without another glance
The moment gone
I said
I think I won’t miss this
But I think you will miss me
I was wrong
The clock struck 12
And my heart missed you
That song played
And I missed you
The memory leapt up
And I missed you
Until I learned
Until I learned
And I didn’t miss
And I didn’t miss
And I cared no more
Whether you missed me
The message arrived
Not too late
But just in time
Long after I had learned
When it mattered not
That you do miss me.
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