Time It Was And What A Time It Was, It Was

A friend of mine is going through a divorce. Mature and brave as he sounds in the decision he and his partner have made, I cannot help but notice the agony he seems to be experiencing. This agony presents itself as an occasional short remark, or the way he appears nostalgic about the past these days, quite possibly of a time in his life when he was happier and more hopeful about the future; or the way he stumbles when he appears ambivalent and unpracticed in referring to her as his “wife,” correcting himself quickly to refer to her as his “ex-wife.” Other than what he says, many of us can imagine and feel his agony quite well, because this is a path many of us have had to take during our lifetime. I have passed this painful road, and though I would rather forget about it, for his sake I would talk about it, hoping that it can be helpful. I believe the worst thing about a divorce or a break-up is not leaving a familiar face, a familiar space, or losing things in the process. I believe it is losing the hope and optimism we had when we were first united with our lover. No feeling in the world compares with the wonderful sense of private and personal accomplishment we feel when after thinking, feeling, wondering, hoping, trying, failing, trying again, and winning the heart of someone we found special, we are united with that person. That first knowing look, that first proclamation of feelings for each other, that first kiss and that first embrace are all moments completely unforgettable and incomparable to any other memory or accomplishment in life. Long after we break up, something inside our hearts longs for those feelings and memories, and something in our minds resists the long and painful journey of falling in love again and the fear of another potential failure. That battle rages continually inside people who have experienced the phenomenon of divorce. Sorry, this is a long piece! You may read the rest here: http://www.iranian.com/Kaviani/2007/May/Divorce/index.html . If you are in Iran and can't access Iranian.com, please leave a comment and I'll forward the article to you.


Fariba said...

Thank you Nazi joon. It was beautiful.

Nasser said...

Thanks for writing this beautiful piece. My divorce is pending, after 25 years. Just to say it, you are right on. My extra part is 3 daughters, 2 over the age of 19 and a one young one.

I have gone to Iranian.com, maybe twice in the last 2 years. For what ever reason, I found myself in there today. Normally I just look at some headlines and pictures and move on. Again for some reason I scrolled down through different articles. Then I started reading yours. I take this as a "FAL", don't what it means yet. My dice has already been thrown, by me, and I will just have to see how it lands.

Thanks again.


Nazy said...

Dear Nasser:

Thank you for your serendipitous visit to Iranian.com which brought you here. I'm glad you found that piece helpful. I felt moved to write it, and it came from my heart.

I have received a few emails from people who have been through it all and was touched by the article somehow. Shared pains (or darde moshtarak) bring people together. On the other side of the coin, however, a very nice gentleman who is happily married to an Iranian woman wrote me a letter to which I have prepared a reply for Iranian.com. So, it looks like this conversation is not finished yet! Thanks for coming by. Please come again; I am touched and honored. Hang in there, Nasser. You are doing well (you sound completely sane and "decided," and I really value and respect that). Take care.