2/19/2008

An Incomplete Story

Chabahar Coast, Iran, Photo by Hossein Rasekhi, January 8, 2008.
It rained non-stop in Berkeley all day. Coming home, as I was inching forward in traffic, hardly able to see anything, I was listening to the radio and thinking. I was thinking about some writing commitments I have tonight, about the dinner I would have to fix, about the bills I would have to pay, about a phone call I would have to make, and about something I have been needing to write about, which as of this time I still have been unable to write. Going nowhere fast, I decided to start writing the piece in my head.
In my head I wrote it a few times. Each time it wrote itself easily and fluently. In my head it had a solid beginning, a good middle, and an interesting ending. I saw it all written, edited, and typed up, ready to be shared. But when I visualized my name on it, I got distraught and unhappy. I didn't like it one bit! So, again in my head, I re-read it, found it unacceptable, and .....poof....deleted it! Then, still stuck in traffic, still listening to the radio, with nothing to write and nothing better to do, I decided to engage in a little self-discovery! I asked myself why I had deleted the piece, and I wouldn't rest until I got my answer, asking it over and over again. I was so surprised at my eventual, reluctant answer, I started laughing in the car, all by myself! The answer wasn't that I didn't want to be associated with the thoughts and sentiments the piece conveyed, as in the self-censorship to which I am prone sometimes. It was that I simply didn't want my piece to end that way! I wanted it to have a different ending, a better one! How awesome is that?! Certainly, a better ending could be written, even if it weren't true! I'm the storyteller, I can end the story any which way I like! Who could even tell if this were a real story or not? But, I thought to myself, not this story. This is an important story for me, precious and important. I decided to keep the piece and give the ending one more try in real life. Who knows? I might be able to change it! Maybe I just needed to write it and read it and associate it with myself before realizing that this is one story I don't want to end like this. I am seeking a different ending and for that I need some time.
For Leva, who gives my writing courage...and this is for you and Vahid....

25 comments:

يكي مثه همه said...

hey dear Naazy
I'm so so busy these days
I hope you, my dear friend, happy days
Love
Halat

jeerjeerak said...

Nazy joonam, this viedo clip you dedicated to Levahid was just beautiful. I can't stop listening to it. I have to go figure out who this girl is...:)

Leva said...

it is a guilt to delete story. it is even a sin for a writer. you can not delete your story...you own your hands, your mind, your soul...

write, write, and write...thats the way, thats the only way...


I love the clip. I m honored. thank you. i can not wait for him to come home and open your gift.

i wrote more that five posts today, but my site is down, but just talking to you, give me the power of writing. How can you delete your stories?

Anonymous said...

سلام نازی خانم
طبیعیست که هرکس نگاه ویژه خودش را به دنیا و آدم ها و اتفاقات داشته باشد کسی -جون تو- که خودش
را وقف زیبایی و خیر می کند و با زشتی و شر مقابله، اینرا در تمام مواضع نشان می دهد. حتی در روایت
داستان.آنچه حقیقت دارد و الهی ست،زیبایی و خیر ست ،زشتی و شر عدمی اند و شیطانی.غزالی فیلسوف بزرگ
در اواخر عمرش پس از آنهمه جستجو و تلاش بی وقفه گفته بود: دلم می خواهد بر ایمان پیر مردان و پیر زنان
خراسان بمیرم.بنابراین تو هم در داستانهایت مثل قصه های قدیمی آخر خوشی را ترسیم و ختم به خیر کن.بچه مثبت!! یاد
مادر بزرگ بخیر که همیشه قصه هایش را اینطور خاتمه می داد:هفت روز و هفت شب چراغونی کردن و زندگی کردن
با عیش و با دولت. البته بزنیم به تخته مامان کوچولو!! حالا دیگه اونی که قصه نمی گه مادر بزرگه.چون بچه ها
سر شون جای دیگه گرمه. صلح و سلام بر تو باد

مسعود

Anonymous said...

سلام
برای پست قبلی خیلی عشق در و کردم

(بره ره بلدی؟
مرسی از نوشته های خوبت
مرصیه

Anonymous said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yIdZ-rRnUkg&eurl=http://www.mylostdreams.com/search?updated-min=2007-01-01T00%3A00%3A00-05%3A00&updated-max=2008-01-01T00%3A00iurl=http://i.ytimg.com/vi/yIdZ-rRnUkg/default.jpg

مرضیه

! said...

hi !!!

امیر نخعی said...

سلام نازی خانم با اجازه به شم لینک دادم و خوبه گاهی فارسی هم خواهید نوشت

آدم گلابی said...

these self discoveries... its great to have the courage to self discover they can be tough, shocking, bitter or helpful but you Nazi jan dont delete the stories, compromise them, change them, play with them but dont delete them you are a great storyteller and an inspiration

Anonymous said...

Wow, You are on fire...what a magnificent peice of writing.

serendip

خانم شین said...

سلام... یعنی می شه بازم گاهی فارسی بنویسی؟ من که خیلی ذوق کردم با خوندنش. چون دیر شد اینجا کامنت می ذارم. برای من خوندن متنهای طولانی انگلیسی اصلا مثل فارسی مزه نمی ده

nasim said...

Nazy jan,

Your writing is very expressive. They put me on fire. How did you get to this point? I wish I could write like you.

Nazy said...

Halat, Halat, Kojaee baba?

I have missed you so much! I hope whatever you are doing, you are enjoying your beautiful life with your husband and your wonderful family.

Come and visit whenever you can my friend. I'll wait for you.

Nazy said...

Salam Jeerjeerak Jan:

I'm glad you approve! I love the song, too. Be good and stay warm and dry my friend!

Nazy said...

Salam Leva Jan:

I'm glad you enjoyed the clip. Well, I sometimes go through the whole trouble of writing something and then I delete it! So, writing it and deleting it in my head can't be so bad! When I write something, after I read it, it has to feel right. I write and leave my writing. I then come back to it in a while and check to see if I still feel good about it. If I do, it gets published. Otherwise it goes! Sorry, such is my relationship with words. Some nights, I write three posts and when I find I like none of them, I write a fourth one which gets published. I'll take your viewpoint under advisement, though, if it is a sin! Have a brilliant evening my friend.

Nazy said...

سلام و صلح بر مسعود مهربان.

از یادداشت بسیار جامع و پر بارت ممنونم. قصه رسم و آیین یاد دادن در فرهنگ ماست. یادم می آید پدر خدا بیامرزم همیشه اول برای ما قصه ای یا مثلی می گفت یا شعری می خواند و بعد نکته ای را که می خواست به ما بگوید یا یاد بدهد در ارتباط با آن قصه یا شعر برایمان می گفت. من خودم قصه خواندن یا شنیدن را خیلی دوست دارم، مخصوصا وقتی که نتوانم به آسانی تشخیص بدهم که آیا این قصه است یا روایت یک واقعیت. روی این رشته از ابهام هم خیلی کار کرده ام. در جای دیگری که می نویسم، بعضی وقتها قصه می نویسم و خیلی می خندم وقتی می بینم خواننده ها برای من نصیحت و تبرک یا دعوت به صبر و آرامش می نویسند، چون کل ماجرا یک قصه بوده که به خوبی به عنوان واقعیت باور شده است!

مرسی از سر زدن هایت و مرسی از کلمات بسیار خوب و پربارت. روز خوبی در اهواز بهاری داشته باشی مسعود جان.

ارادتمند

Nazy said...

Salam Marzieh Jan:

Thanks so much for that beautiful videoclip and for your kind words. I had seen the clip before, but it's always wonderful to listen to that song again.

Yes, I know some things about "barareh," though mostly just through how others reacted to it, as opposed to seeing the series!

من همیشه برای تو عشق درو می کنم.

Have a good evening my friend!

Nazy said...

Hi Farshad! How are you?

Nazy said...

سلام بر آقای نخعی عزیز!

چه سورپریز خوبی که شما را این طرف ها ببینم! من همیشه سر می زنم و مطالب بسیار خواندنی شما را می خوانم و لذت می برم. شما هم خیلی آنالیست خوبی هستید وهم خیلی شجاع هستید. آن وقتها که مقالاتتان را هم لینک می دهید، مقالات را میخوانم و لینک آن ها را برای دوستانم می فرستم.

از اینکه به وبلاگ کوچک من (همان کلبة سبز من!) هم لینک دادید ممنونم و احساس غرور و افتخار می کنم که مرا در میان دوستان روزنامه نگار و نویسنده تان قابل دانسته اید و جا داده اید. شاد و سر بلند باشید آقای نخعی جان.

Nazy said...

Golabi Jan:

You are so very kind to me. I used to delete a lot more! Now I do have a folder buried somewhere on my computer, where I keep my many unpublished pieces. These are the ones that I don't dislike, but I don't want to publish, either. Writing has been an integral part of my new growth period, and as such, my writings and words sometimes have extra weight associated with them--they can be liberating or constrictive. Thank you for your advice. Coming from you, they mean a lot to me. Be happy Golabi Jan.

Nazy said...

Serendip, Serendip, Serendip!

You came back! How wonderful to have you back! Are you really back?! To stay?! I am so delighted to see you around here again.

Thanks so much for your, as usual, kind words. I had a huge writer's block for many weeks and was paralyzed with it. Since I started writing again, I haven't stopped! Hee Hee, like Forrest Gump, I have just kept running, fearing that if I stopped, the words would stop, too!

Thanks so much for your kind comment on the Mofid piece, too. I was so delighted to see it where only I knew that it was from you!

Be good Serendip, please stay, and come back here again soon.

Nazy said...

سلام بر شین عزیزم. دوست مهربانم، مرسی که باز به من سرزدی. من خیلی خیلی گرفتار بودم و همین الان که دارم این یادداشت را برای تو می نویسم، بالاخره آخرین تعهد داوطلبانه ام تمام شد و خلاص شدم! من که به خواندن پست های تو معتادم چند روزی نتوانستم بیایم و بخوانم. دیگر انشاءالله سرم خلوت تر میشه و به همه سر های خوب طولانی می زنم، مخصوصا به منزل خانم شین و آقای الف که در آن قلبهای عاشق می تپند و همیشه به من آنجا خیلی خوش می گذرد! چشم، فارسی هم می نویسم دوست من. شاد و سربلند باش شین زیبا.

Nazy said...

Salam Bar Nasim-e-Azizam:

Thanks so much for your words of support. Honestly, I am so humbled by that compliment, I feel any answer to your question would not be indicative of my humility in face of an un-deserved compliment!

Generally speaking, though, I think writing improves only through reading and the practice of writing itself. Siah Mashgh! Be good and happy Nasim Jan. If I can, I will post some upcoming events in our area tomorrow night.

! said...

سلام نازی جونم
دلیل این
hi
من این بود که من کلی برات نوشته بودم و دو تا شعر هم نوشته بودم ولی وقت فرستادن مشکلی پیش اومد و همه ی آنچه نوشته بودم پاک شد
:(
به همین دلیل من فقط گفتم hi
چون دیگه نمی دونستم باید چه کنم!

Nazy said...

Farshad Jan:

Short or long, any comment from you is always welcome and appreciated. Sorry your comment disappeared! It certainly has happened to me enough times to know the feeling! But a Hi is a very meaningful comment, too. Thank you.