2/07/2008

Spice of Life

Spice Shop Display in Mashad's Bazaar. Photo by Shahireh Sharif.
Bloggers are forever struggling with themselves and with each other on whether or not they are honest and forthright in expressing their thoughts and feelings in their blogs. Sometimes people talk about their most intimate, personal things in their blogs. Some bloggers never discuss anything personal. Sometimes a blogger complains that she is a prisoner to the unreal "image" she thinks her blog is promoting of her. I mostly read and listen to these conversations and arguments, unable to add much. My weblog is my space. To the extent that I feel comfortable and happy, I talk about my personal details in it. What I don't feel like sharing with a large audience, I don't. I do use my own name with enough details about myself that I am easily traceable and verifiable. That does not feel restrictive to me. In fact it feels liberating to me.
Just like anybody else, I have good days and bad days. I have days when I laugh like a maniac, and feel playful and energetic all day. There are days when I am sad or reflective or weepy, because of some feelings or some events. I don't want to pretend that I am this manic, hyper middle-aged woman who is always "up," or pretending to be "up." To the extent that I feel comfortable, I tend to share those feelings. Some days when I am down or tired or for whatever reason not in my usual story-telling mood, I post things which won't make me talk about those feelings. Today would have been such a day. But instead, I will talk about it a little bit.
This was not a very happy day for me, and I just don't want to pretend to anything. Without trying to sound like a Hallmark card or some godawful self-help book, I just want to say that in my life's experience, sadnesses, tears, and even wails of pain and sorrow are spices of life. They sit right next to that howling laughter, that all-teeth smile, that fabulous gait in someone's walk and that inspiring dance move, affectionately known as gher-e-kamar. Without one, the other one will lose so much meaning and significance and hope and reflection, all necessary elements in an individual's life, becoming compromised and lessened. I may not love my sad days (well, I do hate them), but I accept them as real days of my life, using them to create a sense of equilirium in my life. When my children were younger, they never saw me cry, because seeing an adult cry is a very frightening and confusing image for a child. Since they are young adults now, more and more I feel comfortable talking to them and letting my tears drop in their presence. They still hate it, but somehow they understand it and get mobilized to help and to reach out. That's a good skill for them to learn now, I believe. They will need to learn to console and caress crying friends and girlfriends and wives and children soon enough. I had some spice in my life today. Yes, a very spicy day. Tomorrow will be better and I will not taste and remember the tears, but the wonderful taste and the hot colors of spices. I'm sorry I would like to postpone replying to your kind messages until tomorrow night when I am sure I will feel happier and more jazzed up with the story you will finally hear. Do be good y'all.

7 comments:

Marzieh said...

چه مادر خوبی بودی و هستی...
من که گاهی به سرم زده وگریه هم کردم ودیدم که تاثیر بدی داشته...امیدوارم که بتونی از غم و غصه هات به خوبی گذر کنی و به شادی برسی..

شاد و خندان باشی همیشه دوستم
مرضیه

jeerjeerak said...

i send you a big cyber-hug nazy joonam. may the sunshine today fills your big heart with warmth and happiness once again.

(i guess i should go check the weather there before i post this!!!
...
...
says partly cloudy, so there should be some happy rays jumping out from behind the clouds;)

Leva said...

I love jeerjeer's comment! LOL

You are so true about bloggers images that they make by their writing and sometimes it's not a true image at all, but the most imoportant thing in all this blogging business, i guess, is being comfortable with whoever you make. Sometimes i don't like my Baloot, but most of the time I feel totaly comfortable with that girl ( Baloot).
Everyboody has ups and downs. As you said, they come together. I wish you a happy Friday and a relaxing weekend.

SHobeir said...

پرسیدم از غمت، تنها گریستی
آن‌قدر بی‌صدا کانگار نیستی
حرفی نمی‌زنی اما دلت پر است
دل‌واپس چه‌ای در فکر کیستی؟

Dear Nazy I can't say anything better than jeerjeerak...
The comment is full of wisdom I guess...
How I wish U were here!

nasim said...

Nazy jan,

I don't like to see you sad. Today is a sunny day. enjoy it and remember that how rich you are! I hope your day is filled with many miracles!

Daisy said...

Every time I'm not in a good mood, depressed, or not feeling myself, I come to your blog. Reading your words and stories really cheers me up or makes me distracted from my daily problems. When I read this post, made me think what I've done for you. So far I've done nothing in that sort. I'm sorry.

So let me make it up to you. Listen to this music (http://www.semahal.com/g.htm?id=922) every time I listen to it, it makes me happy. It is one of my favourites Reminds of couple of years ago when I went to Iran to visit my relatives (yadesh bekhyer). My cousin's 4 years old son started singing this song to me. He was so adorable. I could never forget his sweet voice. I've missed him so much.

boooosssss

P.S.Good or bad everything is temporary, that is what i tell myself every time. I hope you feel better and enjoy the weekend.

Nazy said...

Salam Bar Doostane Azizam,
Marzieh
Jeerjeerak
Leva
Shobeir
Nasim, and
Daisy:

You guys are so wonderful, making me feel really good when I read your kind messages all day today. The poem, the hugs, the weather forecast (!) the words of encouragement, and the music clip (ha ha, very clever, Daisy!)really cheered me up. I'm good. I'm allright. Life goes on. I'm glad it goes on with good friends such as yourselves. You humble me with your kindness you all.