12/26/2007

2:00 P.M. Heartbreak

My American friend says: "I think my husband wants a divorce." I say: "Stop talking about a divorce! You have been married for 25 years. Why are you thinking that?" She says: "He doesn't want to talk to me, doesn't want to touch me, and when I ask him what is the matter, he says he is not ready to discuss it with me." I say: "If he isn't talking about a divorce, chances are he doesn't want a divorce, he is just unhappy for some reason, maybe a mid-life crisis, maybe the symptoms of 'an empty nest,' some loneliness and bereavement people feel when their kids move out. You mustn't be the one bringing up a divorce if you don't want it. Your children are grown now and this is the time for the two of you to start enjoying your life together." She cries and says: "He doesn't pay any attention to me; he was so mean to me on Christmas Day; he didn't get me a present, and didn't open the present I gave him, saying I shouldn't have bothered." This one brings back too many sad memories for me. So, I cry, too.
How many times have I heard this scenario before? Though divorces are entirely too common, unfortunately, most people don't realize how much pain awaits them in the wake of a long-standing marriage. Knowing that pain, however, never enables me to stop it from happening to others I know. I think the decision to divorce is not one that people make overnight. It usually takes them years to make, whether they are aware of it or not, which is why it is not easily changed just through friendly advice. I told my friend to go see a marriage counselor, but she says he is not interested. It sounds bad to me, and it makes me sad.

14 comments:

Assal said...

It makes me very upset when couples who have been married for years would rather contemplate something as ugly and permanent as divorce as opposed to trying to fix their problems with the help of marriage counseling. Divorce is just a way out, an exit strategy when things go wrong.

To decide to go to marriage counseling may seem like you're admitting you're at fault or partly to blame...but it's a step towards finding a solution to the problem instead of ignoring it.

It makes me sad that my parents never went to counseling and chose to divorce and it makes me sad that your American friend feels the same way.

! said...

ای بابا
البته من معتقدم هر خاطره ای که گذشته خوبه ...
البته قبول دارم که نمیشه همیشه این طور فکر کرد
من فکر می کنم باید الان به چیزهای خوب فکر کرد و چیزهای بد رو فراموش کرد مخصوصا الان و در آستانه ی سال نو :)
راستی ایمیل آخر شما به من نازی عزیزم به دلیل نا معلومی مفقود شده
:'(
خواهش می کنم مجدد ایمیل من رو جواب بده
خیلی ممنونم

masoud said...

سلام نازی خانم
عدم تفاهم از یک نقطه آغاز و بتدریج گسترش می یابد.باید خیلی به عقب برگشت.یکی از مشکلات خانواده هسته ای همین هسته ای بودن آنست.چون قائم به خود هست با یک ضربه فرو می ریزد،داستان ایندو را نیز دنبال کن.با اندکی اطلاعات نمی توان موقعیت آندو را درک کرد.خدا می داند که چقدر ساختن سخت است و ویران کردن آسان.

Marzieh said...

حق داری
خیلی ناراحت کننده است. اگه زن و شوهر خودشون نخواهند هیچ کس نمی تونه کاری براشون انجام بده..
متاسفانه
امیدوارم که کارها به خیر ختم شه.

Marzieh said...

راستی دیشب کیبورد من خراب بود و من فقط تونستم برات لینک یو تیوب رو بذارم که ماشالله همونم جواب دادیییی
مرسی
در ضمن وب سایت خوبی به نظر اومد
و کاملا ایرانی ..اگه بسه کمی شادترش کرد خوبه نمیدونم چطور.....
به هر حال مبارک باشه

نیما said...

یکدیگر را می آزاریم بی آنکه بخواهیم

شاید بهتر آن باشد که دست بدست یکدیگر دهیم بی هیچ سخنی...

دستی که گشاده است...

می برد ، می آورد ، رهنمون می شود به خانه ای که نور دلچسبش گرمی بخش است

Mehran said...

sighhhhh

Nazy said...

I hear you Assal Jan. I have been down this path, so I'm hardly a qualified individual for giving out too many pieces of sage advice on thissubject. All I tell my friends who are at the threshold of the same path is to beware of the pain awaiting them. This is not to say that a divorce is never a good mutual decision. I only encourage people to think and try as hard as they can to avoid the pain for themselves and for those involved if they can. Be good azize delam.

Nazy said...

Universal Farshad Jan: Yes, I agree with you. But my friend's pain is too palpable for me. Theirs is neither the first nor the last divorce, if things come to that. I just hope that they would make sure this is truly what they want before going full speed ahead. I pray for them. I will resend that email soon.

Nazy said...

I agree with you Masoud Jan. There are always two sides to any story, but that makes little difference in the amount of pain hanging over that family now. I will do as you say and keep an eye on them. Be happy Masoud Jan.

Nazy said...

Yes, Marzieh Jan, that is true. I hope they get their acts together soon.

Nazy said...

Hee Hee, Marzieh Jan, I didn't realize that you were the mystery "anonymous!" That was a good link and a great story. Thank you for sharing my friend.

Nazy said...

Very poetic and heartwarming Nima Jan. Thank you.

Nazy said...

Salam Bar Mehran!

Siiiiighhhhhhh right back at you! Been there, done that, and that's why I even worry about it. I know you know.