12/10/2007

Chatting With Mehran

Mehran: Chetori Nazy Joon?
Me: I'm O.K. A bit melancholic today.
Mehran: Oh no, it's been a while since you were melancholic last. What's going on?
Me: I don't know, I'm confused by men again.
Mehran: Oh no, what happened?
Me: In that big party on Friday night, there were these two guys that I knew and had worked with on cultural things. They had each come with a woman they introduced to me. Later, I ran into each of them separately. They both asked me if I wanted to go out next week.
Mehran: So, what's wrong?
Me: I don't want to go out with a man who would ask another woman out when his girlfriend goes to the restroom...
Mehran: Aha....So... how are the kids?
.......

24 comments:

masoud said...

سلام نازی مهربات و خوش قلب.عجیبست که این سه پست اخیر هر کدام به گونه ای به مردان ربط پیدا کرده است.آن از بحث من و لوا(فلاسفه قدیم گفته اند :الاسم هو عین المسمی،لوا اگر اسم واقعی ایشان باشد عین مسمی ست :پرچمدار زنان است.)بعد کتاب تازه خانم پارسی پور،اینهم حرکت دور از شؤنات این آقایان.هم دور از شأن شماست هم دور از شأن ما.
یادت باشد آدمها با تربیتشان زندگی می کنند نه با دانششان .اگر چه قبلا با آنان راجع به پروژه ای کار کرده ای که مثلا مربوط به کار و تخصص آنها بوده ولی آنچه ترا به هم ریخته است چیز دیگریست.من چه کنم ؟بقیه کجان؟چرا لوا خاموش است؟اگرچه دل بزرگی داری ولی این چیز ها را از دلت بیرون بریز.البته دلت نازک هم هست،که آنروز چند بار گریسته ای.این نیز بگذرد.خرم و برقرار باشی.

Assal said...

This had me smiling: "Mehran: Aha....So... how are the kids?"

Nazy joonam: There's nothing to be melancholic about in my opinion. Men like that always will end up getting what they deserve.

On the other hand, men are like puppies, easily they get lost and they travel from owner to owner looking for affection. When a man realizes that the woman of the moment isn't the right one, or that something better has come along..he jumps from one branch to the next..

In all honesty, I can't blame a man like that. What I wouldn't give to shun all obligation, all sense of right and wrong, and just do whatever feels good to me in the moment...

I'm just rambling. It's past my bedtime. Forgive me~

Marzieh said...

سلام
به نظر من البته...اصلا ارزش ناراحتی و فکر کردن نداره.. کمی خنده دار هم هست! :))
.هر کس به اندازه فهم و شعورش رفتار میکنه.. ولی برای انسان موشکاف و حساس و فرهیخته ای مانند شما بسیار سنگین است..

! said...

سلام
به نظر من این خیلی جالبه !!!!1
چه وقایع عجیبی اتفاق می افته این روز برای تو !!!

! said...

البته من هم کاملا موافقم که ارزش اعصاب خوردی نداره !!!!

مانا said...

نازی عزیزم.من هم همیشه از اینجور آدمها حرص می خورم.فرقی نداره که زن باشن یا مرد.مهم اینه که ما بشناسیمشون و با هاشون درگیر ارتباط نشیم تا صدمه نبینیم.شاد باشی

Anonymous said...

mmmm , nothing! I just wana say Hi!! :)
bayram

Nazy said...

Salam Masoud Jan:

I hope I didn't sound really depressed in this post! In fact ALL my posts have something to do with men AND women! I most sincerely hope that I don't appear critical of men in anyway. I am raising two sons and all my life I have been fortunate to know and respect men. I get confused about men sometimes, that's all! I have written several articles about this, too, and I find that I'm just going through a learning curve of sorts with the subject! Be good Masoud Jan.

Nazy said...

Assal Jan:

Yes, that Mehran is a character! He is very funny and the two of us laugh endlessly at our lives, thoughts, and experiences. Thank you very much for sharing your sage advice with me! Are you ready to attend a marvelous wedding soon? I know for a fact that I won't be wearing my red shoes to be sure! Take care azizam.

Nazy said...

Salam Marzieh Jan. Yes, it's very funny and I was laughing when I was writing that post. For some reason my humor didn't come through and that's not good! Did you read my Valentine's Day piece about the topic last year? It was published on Iranian.com. Though confusing, I can't help but laugh at the way men and women behave around each other. Be good azizam.

Nazy said...

Yes, Farshad Jan, it's never a dull moment in my life these days! It's too bad you aren't nearby, or I would share some hilarious tales with you, which unfortunately don't lend themselves to writing! I still have to write about "khastegari," which has been on my "to write" list for a long time. I might just do it soon, after I do my Yalda love story. Be good azizam.

Nazy said...

Mana Jan, you are so right! I was married all my adult life and it has only been less than two years since I have been single and in the circle of other single people. Some days I think I will never learn how not to be married! That's why men are confusing to me; my experiences in this field are very limited. You are right, I don't want to bother with some of these bozos! Take care beautiful Mana.

Nazy said...

Salam Bayram Jan:

And Hi to you! I can just see your face as you say those words! Yes, speechless is a good state. Be happy my friend.

Assal said...

Let's all wear sparkly red shoes, just like Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz...it would make interesting group pictures, that's for sure!

masoud said...

نازی خانم سلام.از اینکه کنه مطلبت را پی نبردم و روح آنرا حس نکردم و کمی تا قسمتی رگ عیاری و جوانمردی ایرانی ام گل کرد .....
شده است دیگر.
شاید علتش انگلیسی نویسی شما باشد.اصطلاح"کمی تا قسمتی" را می شناسی؟
راستی وقتی فکر می کنی چه زبانی در ذهنت فعالست؟
اگر لطف کنی و زحمتی نداشته باشد و و و آن مقالات(اشاره شده در همین پست) و گزارش لادن را- که قرارست پس از اینکه حالت جا آمد لابد چیزکی بنویسی و تا آنموقع جانم به لبم رسیده است - برایم ایمیل کنی ،اگر بشود چه می شود.مزاحم نیستیم که؟

يكي مثه همه said...

I am sure about this:(although not about so many things related to men) we are from definitely different planets! you as a woman can not realize men or even be on their places, they look to the world with different views and desires.
And I know something else: I am so happy of being a woman!I love my feelings my emotions and reasonless cryings...!!!;)
LOVE YOU DEAR NAZY and take care
Halat

! said...

:)
مرسی من جدا منتظرم ...
باید خیلی جالب باشه ...

nima said...

so...how are the kids!!!!

Nazy said...

Dear Halat Jan:

The best course of action is to understand and accept and love ourselves just as we are, including our gender, before we turn to try and understand others. Men and women are different, you are right, each capable in their own ways. I am glad you love yourself. That is a necessary step for loving others. I love you, too.

Nazy said...

Nima Jan:

Az khandeh roodehbor shodam! You are so witty! Thank you for the laugh my friend.

Anonymous said...

Men are simple creatures. They act upon their very fundamental instincts.

The thing is human being-despite the general belief induced by Catholic Church-does not look a monogamous animal. I am reading this book on the subject which is called The Myth of Monogamy: Fidelity and Infidelity in Animals and People which is been very interesting so far.

Nazy said...

Dear Anonymous:

Thank you for coming and reading and leaving a comment. So, what about women? Do they, too, have instincts which keep them from being monogamous? Or did you mean "men" as in "mankind?"

While I respect your theory, I find it hard to accept and adopt. Even if "there are a lot of fish in the sea," and even if the society, church, the courts, and constitutions were to allow and prescribe multiple partners and ending monogamy, isn't life hard when you are in a relationship which doesn't inspire confidence and commitment in you? Doesn't everyone need and deserve to be trusted, loved, and cherished by a special person in his/her life? Who wants to be in a relationship with another person, worrying that he/she might be "swinging" and finding replacements everytime he/she steps out the door? Is that kind of fear and worry a sign of a person's posessiveness? Or is it an indication of our basic need for acceptance, trust, and commitment?

Truth be told, I believe there is too much unwarranted stress and attention on "marriage" as an institution. Aside from its legal and social framework, marriage means nothing. Commitment to another, however, is a whole different game to me. I have never been a jealous woman in my life. I don't "research" and "follow" and "suspect." It is because I give one of the most important gifts an individual can give to another--trust. Trust that my relationship is not betrayed and compromised. Trust that as one of the more simple gifts an individual can bring into a relationship, fairness and honesty is present in the relationship. I would do the same as the simplest thing I can do.

I know that when people are younger, especially in environments that allow it, people may experience multiple relationships and love affairs. I think, however, that all of that is in search of "the one." The one that will give us joy and happiness and satisfaction in life. If after finding him/her, our search for "another one," and then "another" continues, we will live lives devoid of peace and confidence. I would love to read the book you recommended. Thank you for your comment and come again.

masoud said...

سلام نازی خانم.پاسخ درستی داده ای به این دوستمان.باید دید هدف آدم ها از برقراری رابطه با دیگری چیست.اگر عشق و شهوت و وفا و اعتماد و پشتگرمی و غمخواری و و و را می جویند،در اینصورت ورود سوم شخص به این معادله آنرا به نقیض خود بدل می کند.رابطه میان دو نفر همه این مؤلفه را با هم دارد،یکی که نباشد تعادل آن برهم می خورد.دیگر آنکه انسان اشرف مخلوقات است،بواسطه داشتن عقل و اندیشه.انسان را نباید تنها با غرائزش شناخت.برقرار باشی

Anonymous said...

Dear Nazi,

Thanks for taking time to answer me.

Even though I am enjoying a very loving relationship with my partner, it doesn’t keep me from looking deep inside and researching what has made “us” what “we are”.

There are evidences of none-monogamous societies in the history. That is what starts the suspicion that we, the mankind, are not as homogenous as we look like we are.

Lately I was talking to one of my friends who had gotten interested in matriarchal and patriarchal societies and the whole notion of seeing the current patriarchal interpretation of the world as the only feasible outcome of human evolution. He was telling me that genetically we are as related to Chimps, which are very patriarchal, as to Bonobos who are very much matriarchal. And why this is important? Because “possession” is a concept which is very much associated with patriarchal societies. So it is not “against” our nature to not to be possessive. We have both tendencies of our ancestors in us, which makes us the very complicated creature that we are.

There has been a time that a great portion of mankind was living in matriarchal settings: they ate, slept, hunted, made bounds and had children in the result and raised them together, and so on. The evidence is all the feminine gods who were of great importance in prehistoric times and lost their importance in the later times. At the same time, there have been patriarchal societies; Something happened, some say horse was tamed around 8000 years ago and mobilized the ones that were obsessed with the concept of “possession”, and somehow we have the world that we have now.

The diminish of the traditional patriarchal values and mankind’s complete compliance with the changes shows one more time that the things that seem “our very nature” at one time, actually are very much negotiable and changeable: almost every aspect of my relationships with the people around me would have been considered totally unscrupulous and adulterous according to my grand parents.

And “we” are molded by the teachings of the society. “We” do bring some stuff from our mothers’ wombs, which are basically the genes, but how they act out seems completely learnedly and according to how the world around us shape them to, in time. I come from the same background as yours and completely am aware of the feelings that you are talking about. At the same time I’ve seen myself totally able to make changes to my points of view which makes me a believer of the immense role of world around in shaping and reshaping us.

At the end I respect your personal tendencies. I, personally, feel more kinship to the Bonobos ;)

Have a good day

R